


It's Funny How Things Never Change in This Old Town (Or, the lesbian hallmark Christmas story no one asked for.)

by coastalblue



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Christmas Pining, F/F, RESEARCH!!!, baking but make it gay, big important lawyer christen, hallmark? yeah that, i did research to write this, read legal blogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 26,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22205029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coastalblue/pseuds/coastalblue
Summary: Christen hasn't been home in five years. She hasn't seen Tobin since breaking her heart ten years ago. Now, she's home for the holidays. Strategically placed mistletoe, strategically timed snowstorms and lots of pining to come.AKA the gay Hallmark Christmas story nobody asked for but I'm writing anyway.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 54
Kudos: 616





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> wow, it feels great to finally publish this. over a month in the making. really wish i had gotten this up in time for the holidays, but i hope yall enjoy anyway. 
> 
> i am not a lawyer, i am just writing about lawyers... im sure this story is filled with tons of inaccuracies, so i'm sorry if that drives you crazy. whoops. 
> 
> and the hugest thanks ever to @Heath17_KO5 for helping me with this. wouldnt have happened without you:)  
> (I highly suggest you check out their work if you haven't already!) 
> 
> alrighty my friends, enjoy 
> 
> (pt 2 to come)

December 19th, 2019

Christen’s heels clicked loudly as she walked down the empty hallway. She did not have time for this. She barely had time to read the email she’d received from her mother, let alone to actually do what her mother was requesting in said email. She couldn’t afford to take the time to go settle up her grandma’s estate. She had court dates set up straight through the holidays, as well as meetings with investors, and of course, all the best schmoozing with clients at corporate holiday parties. Still, her mother’s words had sounded so  _ defeated,  _ and Christen couldn’t stop feeling guilty. She knew she’d neglected her family since moving away, she could count the visits in the last ten-ish years on one hand. She knew her mother had been angry when she didn’t come home for her grandma’s funeral, she knew her dad and sisters were disappointed. 

Somewhere along the way the disappointment and resentment from her family had become what kept her away- she felt like she was too far away to ever go back.

But now, here she was, about to ask her boss for time off, at one of the busiest times of the year. 

“Anderson, I’ve just sent you an email about a request for time off, but I thought I should come speak to you in person,” Christen said, trying to keep her voice steady and confident. Doug Anderson was the senior partner at the firm, a kind enough man, but Christen wasn’t so sure he actually liked her. He was always generally curt, the kind of man who saw no point in small talk or unneeded pleasantries. 

“Yes, I got your email, have a seat,” he said, gesturing to the chair across from his desk. Christen sat down, folding her hands neatly in her lap. Her boss leaned forward, crossed his arms on his desk and cleared his throat. “Christen, you have two weeks of vacation time every year, you know that, right?” 

“Yes, I’m aware-“ 

“Then you must also be aware that in the five years that you’ve worked here, you’ve taken…” He paused to flip through the file labeled ‘Press, C.’ which was laying open on his desk. “Nine sick days, and one week of vacation. Which, may I add, you only took because Crystal all but held a gun to your head. You are more than deserving of a vacation, Christen. Take the two weeks, go home, clear things up with your family. And, if you need any legal help, don’t hesitate to ask. I can send Krieger or Morgan, possibly even Rapinoe. We’ll help you out, okay?” 

Christen looked down at her hands, which were fidgeting nervously in her lap. For the life of her she couldn’t say why she was so nervous, Christen Press never got nervous. Not even when faced with the toughest of cases, and the most intimidating of courtroom battles, she never broke a sweat. But thinking about going home to see her family, Christen was about ten minutes away from a full blown panic attack. 

“Okay, thank you for understanding. I need to be there for my family,” Christen said, more to herself than her boss. He nodded solemnly. 

“Of course, Christen. And I’m terribly sorry to hear about your grandmother, by the way,” her boss added before standing up and crossing his office, tucking Christen’s file back in the cabinet where it belonged. 

Christen stood up as well, taking the cue to get back to work. “Thank you. I’ll be getting back to work now, I’m hoping to finish notes on the Abraham’s case by tonight.” 

***

When Crystal offered to help Christen pack, it was more of a warning than a question. She arrived at Christen’s apartment at nine thirty, armed with a bottle of wine and Chinese takeout. 

Christen rolled her eyes upon seeing her best friend looking so eager, and walked back into her bedroom without properly greeting her. Crystal was so overenthusiastic about almost everything, from nights out at the bar to nights in at work. She was most passionate about Christen’s social life, or lack thereof. 

(And don’t even get her started on Christen’s tragic love life.) 

“Chris, have you even  _ started  _ packing yet? What time is your flight?” 

Christen gingerly sat down on her bed, shoving aside the pile of dirty clothes. “My flight is at five thirty in the damn morning, thank you very much. And, no, I haven’t started packing yet. I’m purposefully avoiding it, if you couldn’t tell.” 

Crystal rolled her eyes at her friend’s dramatics. “You’re going whether you pack or not, so you may as well start now. You don’t wanna show up with one good outfit now, do you?” Crystal challenged, hoping to be the voice of reason Christen needed. “Listen, Chris, it’s not going to be as horrible as you think. You’re gonna go home, catch up with your family, settle the estate, and come home. And so close to the holidays! It’s not the worst thing in the world to let loose, you know.” 

“Okay, first of all, Lanesboro is not home. This is home. Second of all, my family isn’t exactly happy with me, you know that. And third, I’m in no mood to celebrate the holidays. The holidays for me are about networking at shitty holiday parties, not the spirit of Christmas or whatever,” Christen grumbled, dejectedly beginning to pack. 

“Are you hearing yourself? You literally sound like the Grinch, it would be hilarious if it weren’t so… utterly depressing,” Crystal muttered sadly. She was beyond being phased by Christen’s work driven attitude, but she’d never stopped trying to pry her out of the shell of legal jargon and pant suits. “Chris, you need to relax. You remember how to relax, right? Spa days, and baking, and watching movies, and-“

“I don’t have time to relax. I have depositions to read and opening statements to review and, God, closing statements to review, and-“ 

“Vacation, girl, you NEED a vacation.” 

Christen rolled her eyes again, and poured herself a (rather generous) glass of wine. 

“Get a little Christmas spirit, lady. It’ll do you good.” 

“Seriously, Crys? I’m twenty-eight. You’re telling me It’ll do me good to pretend like Santa is real and what’s important in the world is gifts that I don’t really want anyway wrapped in paper that will go to waste and killed who knows how many trees and probably came in plastic that will never biodegrade and kill God knows how many animals-“ 

“Okay, okay, you  _ really  _ know how to kill the mood. It’s about magic and family and loooooooove.” 

“And you know more than anyone that I don’t have time for love.” 

“And THAT right there is exactly the attitude that needs fixing. Go home. We will keep the firm running without you, I promise.” 

“I told Anderson and Rapinoe that I’d call in at least once a day, and run down my cases with Tierna-“ 

“And he told me to ignore your calls, and defer everything to Krieger. This is non-work holidays. Well, except for helping your family, but that’s more than enough legalese for Christmas vacation.” 

“Crystal, you’re lucky I care about you,” Christen muttered. 

“See! You won’t even say you love me!  _ You’re  _ lucky I love  _ you.  _ Can you even say the word? Gosh, you’re a piece of work, Pressy.” 

Christen didn’t object, silently proving Crystal’s point. It wasn’t that she was incapable of love or anything, at least that’s what she kept telling herself, simply that she didn’t see the point. Relationships had always come second to work, especially in the years after college. Her last boyfriend, one she’d met in law school, had been the type of guy to settle down with. He was a hard worker, practical, everything Christen could have wanted, but her heart was in her work, not in their relationship. When he broke up with her, Christen had hardly even cared, simply sinking all her newfound time into her cases. 

The breakup had been over two years ago, and despite her friends’ best efforts, Christen had showed no interest in pursuing anything new. Crystal and Ali had set her up on dates with many an eligible bachelor, only for Christen to flake, come up with last minute excuses, or simply never call them back. 

(Andrew she ‘didn’t click with’. Rowan wore alligator skin shoes. Jeremy didn’t tip enough. Zachary gave her ‘bad vibes’. The list went on, Crystal had long given up keeping track of Christen’s excuses.) 

Her behavior drove Ali and Crystal up the wall, they just couldn’t seem to figure her out. 

To be fair, no one really could. 

***

December 20th, 2019 

Lanesboro was just as snowy and idyllic as Christen remembered, as if taken straight out of a snow globe. It had always been like this, the picture of any typical small town. Shops that hadn’t changed since they were first built, buildings with more history than Christen could handle. Rooftops remained covered with snow from November to March, absorbing the sounds of everyday bustling and leaving the small town quiet. 

Christen watched the town pass by outside of her Uber, a shiver running down her spine at the sight of the familiar buildings. Her heart was beating into her throat by the time the driver rolled to a stop outside of her childhood home. The small brick house hadn’t changed a bit, from the welcome flag hanging off the mailbox to the steady puffs of smoke coming from the chimney. 

Her suitcase felt heavier than she remembered, causing her to fumble awkwardly as she got out of the car. She thanked her driver, who wished her a happy holidays. She begrudgingly did the same before taking a deep breath to turn around and face her childhood home. From the look on her face, she may as well have been faced with a burning garbage can. Slowly and carefully, because for some ungodly reason she was wearing heels, she made her way over the icy sidewalk to her front door. 

_ Alright, Press. This is going to be fine. Just knock. You lived here for eighteen years, you can manage four days.  _

She knocked three times, sharp and fast. 

The door swung open, revealing both her father and her mother. 

“Ah, the prodigal daughter returns. Didn’t think we’d ever see you again!” 

Cody’s remark was met with a light slap from his wife, who then reached out her hands to hold Christen’s face. 

“Look at you, baby! So grown up! Come in, honey, come in,” Stacy said, all but dragging Christen inside the house. “We’ve missed you so much, Christen.” 

“I’ve missed you too,” Christen said quietly, her typical confidence having all but disappeared. 

“Wouldn’t have hurt to tell us once in a while,” Cody grumbled. Christen felt her cheeks heat up at the callout, she was the first to admit she hadn’t kept in contact as well as she should have. 

“Cody, honey…” Stacy’s warning tone was accompanied by one of those typical ‘mom glares,’ one Christen hadn’t seen in years. 

“So, honey, take a seat, I’m sure you’re exhausted,” Stacy said, walking her daughter into the living room. “Can I get you something to drink? Hot chocolate? I got apple juice, I know how much you used to love it!” 

Christen couldn’t believe how out of place she felt in the place she’d grown up in. The house looked the same. Her parents were the same. It even smelled the same. Everything was just as Christen had left it, but she felt like she’d never been there before. 

“Uh, water would be great,” Christen said, voice so soft it was nearly a whisper. She did her best to ignore the flash of sadness in her mother’s eyes as she nodded and slipped out of the room. Christen had never been so afraid of her father, sitting across from her, and remaining completely silent. 

“How’ve you been?” Christen asked, trying to break the tension. Cody raised his eyebrows and let out a chuckle. 

“Well… My mother-in-law died, and I haven’t seen my daughter in five years…” 

Christen wanted to shrivel up and die, she honestly didn’t know how much more of this she could take. And it had been less than five minutes. 

Lucky for Christen, Stacy walked back in with a cup of water, which she placed on the side table next to Christen. 

“Mom, I’m so sorry about Grandma. I can’t imagine how hard this has been,” Christen offered, reaching out to hold her hand.

“Thank you, sweetie. But it was coming. I’m glad she had a long and happy life, I just wish you would’ve gotten to see her one more time.”

Christen looked back down at the ground, unable to meet anyone’s eyes, fearing the disappointment. She’d told her parents she couldn’t get out of work, but the truth was she hadn’t even tried to do so. Knowing Anderson and Rapinoe, they likely would have let her go. 

She just hadn’t tried. 

“I know, I’m so sorry, work has just been crazy. Speaking of which, tell me about the case. Have you-“ 

“Christen, we’ll talk about that tomorrow,” Stacy said firmly. It was clear Christen wouldn’t get any further on the subject. “We just want to talk about  _ you,  _ right now. Oh! Channing and Tyler are coming over for family dinner tonight, they’re so excited to see you.” 

“Channing? And Tyler?” 

Christen’s voice came out much squeakier than she would have liked, revealing how unnerved the thought made her. Channing she could handle. 

Channing was everything that was good in the world, all positivity and forgiveness. 

Tyler was the tough one. No one resented Christen’s life choices more than Tyler. 

Growing up, the three girls had been thick as thieves. Now, the thought of seeing them brought on a sweat. 

God, things had changed. 

***

The time in Lanesboro seemed to pass ten times slower than it did in the City. Christen had been in her childhood home for all of five hours, but it felt like days. So far, she’d helped Stacy clean the house, helped Cody salt the sidewalks, and suffered a fair amount of guilt-tripping- all from her father. 

About two hours before her sisters were set to arrive for dinner, Stacy called Christen into the kitchen. 

"Christen, do you remember that sweet little bakery on the corner of Cobblestone and Tabitha?"

Remember? How could Christen forget the many afternoons she'd spent there hanging out with...

...Well, but what were the odds that she was still around? She'd probably moved away shortly after Christen had. It wasn't like she was apt to run into her. 

"Yeah, of course."

Maybe it was her imagination, but it seemed like there was a knowing gleam in her mother's eyes as she said, "Would you mind running on down there? I placed an order. It's under Press."

Christen knew she couldn’t say no. After five years away, the least she could do was run an errand. Even if the thought of the bakery made her a little nervous… 

“Sure, I’d be happy to.” 

She shook her head when Stacy went to hand her the money. “I’ve got it, mom.” It was the least she could do, really. After all, she was quite the success in her parents’ eyes. 

(Never mind the student debt that felt like it would never go away. Or the overpriced New York City rent.) 

The walk through her neighborhood to the small bakery felt as if her body was on autopilot- she couldn’t help but remember the streets of the town she still knew like the back of her hand. 

Still determined to remain in her heeled boots, Christen navigated the icy sidewalks to the best of her ability until she stopped in front of the quaint bakery. The ‘ding’ of the bell as she opened the door was so familiar, like she’d heard it thousands of times. 

The smell of the bakery was so  _ familiar  _ that Christen stopped dead in her tracks upon entering. 

“Hello! How can I help you?”

Christen looked up to the front of the store, where a small blonde woman stood behind the cash register. 

She’d half expected to see  _ her…  _ But there was no way. Surely she’d have moved on by now. 

“Uh, yeah, I have an order waiting for Press? Stacy Press?” Christen asked, looking around at the familiar store. 

“Of course! I’ll be right out with that, just one moment, ma’am.” 

Christen nodded and stuck her hands in her pockets, swaying back and forth awkwardly. 

Emily disappeared into the back room, where her boss was kneading the next morning’s bread. 

“Does the Press family have another daughter? A girl just came in asking for Stacy’s order but I’ve never seen her before,” Emily said casually as she located the box labelled ‘Press Family’. 

Tobin looked up from the dough and wiped a flour covered hand on her brow. 

“Yeah, they do but… no… there’s no way…” 

Tobin didn’t say anything else, and left behind a confused Emily when she took the Press order and brushed past her into the storefront. Her heart was racing as the door pushed open, and she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the woman standing awkwardly in the middle of the store, looking even more beautiful than Tobin remembered. It wasn’t possible, and yet there she was. Her mouth felt dry and cottony as she croaked, “Christen?” She cleared her throat and tried again. “Christen Press?” The words felt foreign on her tongue despite the fact that she had said them many times before. 

At the sound of her name, Christen turned around. She blinked in disbelief, unsure if she was seeing who she thought she was seeing. The woman in front of her looked disheveled, like she’d been awake for hours. Her hair was in a messy bun, with wisps framing her face. Her apron, jeans, and arms were all covered in flour as if she’d lost a fight with a bag of it. 

She looked like she’d seen a ghost. 

Christen could understand why, Tobin hadn’t seen her since graduation night… and their last meeting wasn’t exactly a fond memory for either of them. 

“T-Tobin, I-“ 

“Look what the cat dragged in, eh, Press? Haven’t seen you in, what, ten years?” Tobin seemed to have collected herself, as she was now the picture of confidence, a vaguely amused smirk plastered on her face. 

Christen looked down at her feet, feeling more nervous than she was used to. Even in the courtroom she was calm and collected, but somehow Tobin made anxiety curl in her gut.

“Yeah, uh, ten years,” Christen confirmed, obviously uncomfortable. Tobin seemed to relish in it. She leaned against the doorway she’d just come through, holding tight to Christen’s delivery. 

“Well, please enlighten me, what brings you back?” The smirk on Tobin’s face was enough to make Christen’s stomach churn. She thought she’d never see Tobin again, and now Tobin was acting so… relaxed, like nothing had ever happened between them. Like they hadn’t known each other better than anyone else in the world. Like they hadn’t broken each others hearts. 

(Well, that was mostly just Christen doing the breaking. She’d walked away unfairly unscathed, to tell the truth.) 

“Uh, my grandma passed away, so I’m here to help settle the estate,” Christen explained, continuing to sway back and forth uncomfortably. 

“Yeah, I know. I went to the funeral. Just about the whole town did. Everyone here just adored your grandma.” Christen could tell it was a jab. “Didn’t realize you’d be coming home to help with things.” 

And her grandma had adored Tobin, too. Christen couldn’t help but remember the times she and Tobin spent in her grandma’s backyard, basement, and attic. She’d always made the best cookies, and Tobin had been her little helper. Christen was no help at all, she just stole chocolate chips. 

“Yeah… uh, but I’m just here to help my parents. Legal help, that is.” 

“Oh, how could I forget, Christen Press, successful lawyer and all that,” Tobin said with ease. 

_ How is she so chill?  _

“Sure, sure. Well, I just need to get this delivery back to my parents… Uh, family dinner and all,” Christen stuttered out, holding out her arms for the box. Tobin smiled and walked over to the register, where she sat down the delivery and printed out her receipt. 

“How long are you here for? We should catch up,” Tobin said casually as she handed Christen the receipt to sign. 

“Oh, I won’t have time. I’m only here until Christmas Eve, I fly back to New York that morning.” 

Christen tossed a twenty on the counter, much more than she owed, and took the box of baked goods before Tobin could say anything else. It felt as if her feet couldn’t take her away from the place fast enough. Being back in town was bad enough, but this was a blast from the past she just wasn’t prepared to face.

“Emily, you know who that was?” Tobin called into the back, where Emily was all but hiding. 

She stepped out into the storefront, craning her neck to watch the mysterious woman who was picking her way precariously down the icy streets in heels not suited to the weather. 

“Who?” 

“That was Christen Press. Once I thought she was the love of my life… Now she’s a total stranger.” 

***

“Kelley, you’ll never guess who I saw today!” 

Tobin burst into her best friend’s apartment, the door unlocked as always. Kelley sat on her couch, typing away on her laptop. 

“Christen Press,” she replied, without missing a beat. She didn’t even look up from her laptop to see the reaction on her best friend’s face. 

Tobin glared. Of COURSE Kelley knew. Nothing happened in town that Kelley didn’t know about. 

“Someone told you at the bar?”

“Tobs, her Uber driver is one of my bartenders. Word travels.”

“And you didn’t pass this information on to your best friend because?”

Kelley grinned and closed her computer. “Precisely so I could see this look on your face.”

Tobin flipped her off and flopped down on the couch beside her. Kelley gave her a gentle nudge. 

“You’re all flour-y,” she complained, brushing some of it off of her couch. 

“I work in a bakery,” Tobin shot back. “And you’re a jerk. How could you not tell me about Christen Press?”

Kelley leaned forward eagerly. “Tell me how it went. Every detail. What’d you say? What’d she say? Did you faint? Did you propose? Can I be your maid of honor?”

Tobin gave her a shove. “You’re such an ass.”

“You love me. And more relevantly: you love  _ her _ .”

“I THOUGHT I MIGHT have loved her. Once. A long time ago,” Tobin grumbled in protest. She closed her eyes and leaned back, trying to wipe the picture of Christen’s cold expression from her memory. 

(Even more so, she tried to wipe the picture of a younger, much kinder Christen from her memory. That was always the hardest.) 

“She’s the one who got away,” Kelley said wistfully, but there was an underlying seriousness to her voice. “Slipped through your fingers…” 

Tobin rolled her eyes, but didn’t object. 

“She’s nothing like she was… She was like a different person in the bakery. She...God, she was just, cold. She wasn’t even trying to be fake friendly, you know? Barely any emotions. She wasn’t the Chris we knew in high school.”

“I’m sorry Tobs, all I can say is, you know, people change. It happens. And, it sucks that she changed  _ so much.  _ But, she’ll be gone soon, and then we can go back to normal. And for the time being, you can laugh at her trying to walk on icy sidewalks in those dumbass pumps!” 

“How the hell did you know…”

“Emily, of course. You seem to forget that I have eyes everywhere.” 

Tobin groaned and buried her face in her hands.  __

“Aw, Tobs, there’s no need for tears,” Kelley joked, dragging herself off the couch. She had to get to work at some point, after all. 

“No, Kell, there is every need for tears. I’m just trying to have a good Christmas, get through my first year owning the bakery, you know, and then… Christen fucking Press shows up.” 

“Everything will be okay, I promise. Come down to the bar tonight, yeah? It’s karaoke night!” 

“Kelley, it’s literally always karaoke night.” 

“That’s ‘cause it’s my favorite night. Especially when you dazzle us with your beautiful voice.” 

Tobin rolled her eyes, her face flushing a light shade of pink. 

“For that to happen I need at  _ least  _ three free drinks.”

“Anything for my lovestruck Tobito, just get your ass down there,” Kelley replied, throwing on her coat and grabbing her keys. 

“I am  _ not  _ lovestruck!” 

***

Dinner in the Press household was worse than corporate meetings, as far as Christen was concerned. Channing was ecstatic, greeting her older sister at the door when she arrived home from the bakery. Tyler on the other hand, hadn’t done much more than shoot Christen a disapproving glare when they sat down for dinner. The tension in the air was palpable, leaving Christen wishing to be anywhere else. 

“So, Chris, so glad you could make time in your busy schedule to come help your actual family,” Tyler remarked. “Wouldn’t have thought the firm could spare their star for something as trivial as family business.” 

“Uh, I wouldn’t say it like that, the firm has had an extremely good few years, and I’m very lucky to have found work there,” Christen answered, her voice all too polite and professional for a family dinner. 

Tyler rolled her eyes, but didn’t push further. 

“Oh! Channing, Christen picked up your favorite cookies today!” Stacy exclaimed, a half hearted attempt to break the tension. 

“That’s so sweet, thanks Chris!” 

Christen smiled at her younger sister, ignoring the pang in her heart when she saw the melancholy look in her eyes. 

“No problem.”

“Did you see Tobin?” Tyler asked, leaning forward on her elbows. 

“Yeah, I did. I didn’t realize she still lived here, I guess I thought she left when I did,” Christen said quietly. She wanted nothing more than to drop the subject entirely, she wished they could just talk about the estate. She was so much more comfortable talking about work, where she could just hide behind the confidence legal jargon brought her. 

“No, she didn’t. She stayed to be with her family,” Tyler said in a much too accusatory tone. Stacy covered Tyler’s hand with her own, patting it lightly as if to tell her to back down. 

“Her father died a few years back, she took over the bakery recently.” 

Christen leaned back in her chair, astonished. 

Channing turned to face her sister, a shocked look on her face. “Did you not know?”

“No…” Christen muttered. 

Jeffrey Heath had been as much of a father to Christen as her own dad had, yet here she was not having an idea that he’d died. She hadn’t even though to ask Tobin about him. Tobin who now ran the bakery. Tobin who she hadn’t been remotely prepared to see earlier. 

“Well that’s shocking,” Tyler muttered, earning a light kick to the shin from Channing. 

Christen couldn’t bring herself to look anyone in her family in the eyes. For the first time since she’d left home, she was feeling guilty. The memories of her childhood were hitting a little harder than she’d expected, especially now that she knew some of the events that had occurred in her time gone. 

_ Just four more days. Four more days and then you’ll be back home.  _

After dinner, the three Press girls washed the dinner dishes together. Channing and Tyler chatted about various different things, work, their boyfriends, nothing that particularly interested Christen. It wasn’t until they brought up the family Christmas celebration that the conversation turned to Christen. 

“Chris, is there anyway you’ll stay for Christmas?” Channing asked, handing Christen a plate to dry. 

Christen frowned, she knew her sisters wouldn’t like whatever she had to say. 

“No, I have to get back to work,” she answered, hoping they’d leave it at that. 

Tyler looked over at her skeptically. “You have work on Christmas?” 

“No, but I… need to be back as soon as I can. I have a lot of cases right now. And, you know, I don’t particularly care about Christmas… The whole holiday season just… isn’t for me. Trust me, it’s best for me to get back to the City,” Christen explained. 

“Christen, that’s just… sad. Think about it, okay? I know I’ve been giving you shit, but it’s because we all miss you. Well, mostly. Also because you deserve it a little.” Tyler reached out her hand to rub Christen’s shoulder, her change in demeanor making Christen feel slightly more comfortable. 

“I can’t promise anything, Ty. Work is important.” 

“Family is important, too, Chris. I know you know that, somewhere in there.” 

Christen just nodded. She let her sister’s take control of the conversation for once, more than happy to have it steer away from her. 

That night, Christen dreamt of a distinct bell, which rung over and over again, enough that the sound was still fresh in her mind when she woke up. 

***

December 21st, 2019 

When Christen came downstairs the next morning, she was met with a surprise. She’d planned to wake up early and get started on some paperwork, but it quickly became evident that she wasn’t the only early riser. 

Stacy was sitting at the breakfast bar, sipping on a coffee, while someone else was craned over the sink, a wrench in hand and tool belt hung low on their waist. 

_ No, please not…  _

“Morning, Christen,” Tobin said, standing up straight so Christen could see her. “Oh, don’t look so surprised. I’m here a lot more than you are, eh Stacy?” 

Christen’s gaze flew between Tobin and her mother, who laughed softly. “Tobin is fixing the sink, it sprung a leak last night,” Stacy explained, as if it was the most normal thing in the world for Christen’s childhood best friend to be standing in their kitchen at seven fifteen in the morning. 

“Yup, this old thing seems to be on its last legs,” Tobin muttered, turning back to the sink and fiddling with the handle. 

“Oh, uh…” Christen was unsure what to say exactly. “Mom, I was wondering if I could see the will? I, uh, was hoping to get started with the estate today.” 

“Christen… About the will…” 

Christen groaned internally. She had a sinking suspicion that whatever her mother was about to say she wouldn’t be happy with. 

“We don’t have the will. We haven’t exactly found it yet,” Stacy explained. “I was hoping you’d help us look… Oh! Maybe you and Tobin could go look together, give you some time to catch up?” 

“Oh, I don’t think Tobin would want to-“ 

“Happy to help, Stacy,” Tobin interrupted, shooting Christen a smirk. 

Christen took a deep breath, closing her eyes in hopes that no one would see the dread that was surely visible. When she opened her eyes, both of them were looking at her expectantly. 

(Stacy looked much too proud of herself.) 

“Sure, let me go get dressed. Best to get an early start,” Christen said in defeat. She turned on her heels to go get ready, hoping she appeared as confident as Tobin seemed. 

The sidewalks were still icy, but Christen just couldn’t give up her high heeled boots. 

“Don’t you live in New York? You should know by now those shoes plus icy sidewalks is just asking for an injury.” 

Christen rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around her chest. “Don’t worry about me.” 

“Oh, I’m not worried. Just curious, that’s all,” Tobin replied, that signature smirk still plastered on her face. 

Christen definitely hadn’t remembered Tobin being  _ nearly  _ this cocky. 

Then again, everything about Tobin felt new. The girl she’d once been so close to felt like a distant memory, and Christen intended to keep it that way. 

When they arrived at her grandmother’s house, just a five minute walk away from her own childhood home, Christen stopped in front of the steps. She swallowed hard, suddenly overcome with emotions. She couldn’t help but remember the weekends spent with her sisters at the small house, where their grandma baked them cookies and told them stories late into the night. The last time she’d seen her grandma… She couldn’t even remember, it had been so long ago. 

Christen was brought back to reality by Tobin’s firm hand on her shoulder. Christen flinched away from the tough, pressing on to the front door, pushing away any further trips down memory lane. 

“Wait, Chris, are you okay?” 

She knew Tobin wanted to check on her. To make sure that the memories of her grandmother weren’t too much to handle. But Christen hated pity, she hated the gentle tone of Tobin’s voice. The worried tone of her voice made Christen feel like she was ten years old again, with a skinned knee from falling off of Tobin’s bike. 

“I’m fine, come on in,” Christen said, fumbling with the lock until the door swung open. The house was just as Christen remembered from her childhood. The only difference was that the light flowery smell she’d always associated was gone, replaced by the smell of a musty home that’d been empty for too long. 

“Alright, we need to find her will. As well as other documents that could be important,” Christen instructed. Tobin removed her coat and laid it on a chair, revealing the flour dusted flannel underneath. “Are you always this flour-y?” 

“Comes with the bakery. What kind of documents are we looking for?” 

“Life insurance, birth certificates, tax returns… Anything that looks important, bring it to me. I’m going to start upstairs, will you check the living room cabinets and the computer desk?” 

“Sure, whatever you want,” Tobin said, and Christen could’ve sworn she winked. Christen chose to ignore it, and headed upstairs without another word. She had to do at least three months of work in four days, she had no time for small talk. 

The first place Christen looked was her grandma’s storage closet. Much to her disappointment, all she found were coats and hats, as well as a couple photo albums. 

A small part of her wanted to sit down with the albums and look through them, but she ignored the urge and moved on to her grandma’s bedroom. If she didn’t find this will soon, there was no way she would be able to help her family. 

After about an hour of searching, Christen was beginning to give up hope. The house was tiny, there weren’t that many places the will could have been hiding. Christen groaned in annoyance, she had never had to actively search for a will. Clients who came to her firm already had this sorted out by the time they reached out to a lawyer. 

“Christen, c’mere!” 

_ Please, God, say she’s found the will.  _

“I’ve got something!” 

When Christen found Tobin, she was sitting on the floor of the pantry, surrounded by shoe boxes full of documents. 

“Oh,” Christen whispered. This was going to be so much harder than she’d expected, it was clear her grandma hadn’t had any organization system in place. 

She reluctantly sat down on the floor, despite there being barely any room next to Tobin and the boxes. 

“This is going to take forever…” Christen muttered, flipping through a manilla folder labelled “HOUSE,” which contained nothing actually related to the house. 

“Let me help,” Tobin said softly, the concern in her voice evident. 

Christen shook her head. “I don’t want to burden you with this, and… you have a bakery to run.” 

“That’s why I hired Emily, so I could take a day off once in a while. Please, just let me help you.” 

As much as Christen didn’t want to take charity, and as vaguely unnerved as Tobin made her feel, she knew she needed the help. 

“Okay, okay. Let’s at least get these boxes out of the pantry, I don’t even have room to think.” 

Tobin laughed, a sound Christen wouldn’t admit she’d missed, and started gathering boxes.

(And if Christen stared at the gap between where Tobin’s shirt rode up and the waist of her jeans, nobody needed to know.) 

Two hours later, Christen had created three piles for sorting: relevant, extremely relevant, and irrelevant. Tobin’s job was to sort by general topic, and then Christen would judge the relevance of the paper. They’d been completely silent aside from Christen giving instructions, and Tobin occasionally asking what a certain form meant. 

It was only a matter of time before that silence was broken. 

“Christen… Can I ask you something?” 

“Um… sure,” Christen said absentmindedly, not taking her eyes off of the deed she was reading. 

“What… happened, with us?” 

Christen barely had time to register what Tobin had asked, let alone think of an answer to her (rather loaded) question. 

“Oh my god, I found it!” Christen shouted, ignoring Tobin’s question. “The will,” she added, sensing Tobin’s confusion. 

“Oh, okay,” Tobin muttered. It was clear she wouldn’t be getting an answer. 

Christen was silent for a few moments as she scanned the document. Slowly, she stood up and began to pace back and forth. A look of shock was plastered across her face. 

“Oh, fuck,” she whispered. “No, no, no.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“She… She left me the house…” Christen whispered in disbelief. “I can’t… Jesus Christ.” 

“She what?” 

“The house, Tobin, she left me the house.” 

Tobin leaned back on her hands, watching the concerned look on Christen’s face transform into one of defeat. 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means I have a fucking house I don’t want, what do you think?”

Tobin stood up and sighed. 

“Okay, Christen. I’ve gotta get back to the bakery. Good luck.” 

And then, she was gone. Christen barely realized. 

She couldn’t inherit the house. She just couldn’t. There was no way she was keeping it, and she knew her sisters would  _ not  _ be happy with her if she sold it. 

(And they weren’t too happy with her as it was.) 

Christen didn’t fully process what Tobin had said, more importantly what Christen herself had said, until she was already out the door. 

_ God, I need a drink.  _

*** 

“Mom? You here?” 

Christen entered her house armed with boxes of papers. 

“In here,” her mom replied, her voice coming from the kitchen. Christen shut the door behind her and walked into the kitchen. Her mom looked so relaxed and unworried, Christen almost didn’t want to say anything. 

“So, I found the will. And most of the other documents I need to get the estate in order. I just need some papers from the bank and that’s all. But, um, Mom, we need to talk about something.” 

Stacy shut her computer and gave her daughter her full attention. 

“What’s wrong, honey?” 

“She left me the house. I have no idea why, but she did. She left me the house and I have no fucking clue what to do next and I just-“ 

“Woah, honey, calm down. Grandma left you the house?” 

Christen sat down across from her mom and hid her face in her hands. 

“Yeah. The will is in that box… She left most everything to you and Dad, but I got the house,” Christen explained, nudging the box containing the will towards her mother. Stacy read it over, leaving Christen to worry in silence for a few minutes. 

“Okay, Chris. It’s going to be okay. She left you the house because she wanted  _ you  _ to choose what happens next,” Stacy assured, but Christen could tell she wasn’t being totally truthful. Christen knew that Stacy probably wanted her to keep the house, move back to Lanesboro. 

But it just wasn’t in the cards, and Christen didn’t know how to tell her family without breaking hearts and causing even more distance between them. 

Christen took a deep breath and tried to speak professionally, as she would to a client back home. 

“I’ve got all the necessary documents. We need to handle a few claims and file the will. You, Dad, Ty, and Chan need to go to the house and sort through what you want and what you’re getting rid of. Have you been talking to the banks?” Stacy nodded. “Good, we need to close all her accounts. All I can really do is help you get everything in order, everything else is going to be a much longer process,” Christen explained. Stacy looked overwhelmed, but Christen continued without hesitation. “After that, there’s a lot of tax things to do. I suggest you find a lawyer closer to here to help you with that, I’m sure I could find someone…” 

“Wow, that’s… A lot.” Both women were silent for a moment, Christen unsure as to how she should reply. “What should we do next?” 

“Well, this is usually the easy part. We just have to take care of the house right now, and all her physical belongings. I’m just a little… Lost, since I’m so directly involved. I’m really not used to this at all.” 

“I understand. You should talk to your sisters, okay? They’ll both be here tomorrow morning to discuss things with you. And Dad’s taken the day off as well, so we can all go to the house. Everything will be okay, Christen,” Stacy promised, but Christen couldn’t find it in herself to believe that it would. “Where’d Tobin go? She was at the house with you, right?” 

Christen froze. She’d been so wrapped up in her own worries that she hadn’t given a second thought to Tobin, or how they’d left things earlier. 

“Oh, uh, she had to get back to the bakery after we found the will,” Christen lied. 

“Ah. I was hoping you two might reconnect a bit, after all you were so close growing up…” Stacy’s voice trailed off with a hint of sadness. “And she’s hit of a bit of a rough patch and all, with her father passing…” 

“I’m sure,” Christen whispered, another pang of guilt hitting her. 

“So, did you two have a good time together?” 

“Oh, Mom, I just remembered I told an old friend we could catch up. I’ve got to get to the bar to meet them,” Christen explained, jumping out of her seat. It was, of course, a complete lie, but she really did need that drink. And talking to her mother about Tobin was making her feel nauseated. 

Lanesboro was the type of town that someone might joke that they could throw a stone across, and they wouldn’t have been far off. That meant that Christen’s choices for getting a drink were extremely limited. In fact, there was only one bar in town, and it was the town bowling alley too. 

Of course, Christen had not anticipated that the neighborhood bar was now run by one Kelley O’Hara, who she recognized almost instantly upon entering the dimly lit bar. There was no way for her  _ not  _ to recognize the freckled brunette, who’d been more than memorable throughout high school. 

Unfortunately for Christen, the bar was empty enough for Kelley to see Christen the second she walked through the door, causing the rusty bell to ‘ding’ loudly. 

“Well, well, well,” Kelley said, tossing a towel over her shoulder. “If it isn’t Miss Christen Press, back from the dead.” 

“Hi, Kelley.” 

Christen looked around the bar and bowling alley, taking in the checkered floor, band posters, and faint music. It hadn’t changed much since Christen had last been in town, aside from the new name. 

“Have a seat, Pressy, lemme get you a drink,” Kelley offered, gesturing to a barstool for Christen to sit down on. Christen took the offered seat a bit gingerly, not wanting to offend, but the dive bar was a far cry from the type of place she was used to taking clients in the City. 

Instead of asking for her order, Kelley set down a glass of whiskey, neat in front of her. 

“Drink of choice, if I remember correctly,” she quipped with a wink. Christen nodded grimly before taking a sip, trying her best not to grimace. She’d become much more of a cosmos-and-martinis type of girl, but Kelley didn’t need to know. 

“So,” Christen said, trying to ignore the burn in her throat. “Is this place yours?” 

Kelley nodded and leaned forward on the counter. “Yup. Bought it from Dingy Don a few years ago. Under new management and thriving. Oh, and under a new name, if you didn’t notice,” Kelley said with a wink. 

Christen had, of course, noticed. It had been hard to ignore the glaring neon sign reading “Brews, Booze, & Balls” when she’d walked in. 

“Mhm. Classy.” 

Kelley grinned that snarky grin of hers. 

“It has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?” 

“Nice alliteration.” 

“Tobin tried to talk me out of it, wouldn’t you believe.” 

At the mention of Tobin, Kelley raised her eyebrows. She knew exactly what she was doing by bringing her up. 

“Tobin…” Christen muttered, knocking back the rest of her drink before she could think to stop herself. Somehow it didn’t hurt as much anymore. 

“Yeah, heard you were an insensitive jerk. How do you feel about that?” 

Christen shook her head and slid her glass across the bar for Kelley to refill. The whiskey was quickly growing on her. 

“Feeling great. Between her and the house… which, I’m sure you know more about my situation than I do, don’t you?” 

“Well, they don’t call me the town gossip for nothing. I’m the source of all knowledge.” 

Christen took another sip of her drink and leaned forward, as if she was about to tell Kelley a secret. 

“Then riddle me this: Why me? Why did she leave that damn house to me? I’ve got two sisters who love this town. Who never want to leave. God, who love that house! I just don’t understand why she left it to me. I don’t want it. It’s not like I’m moving back.” Christen paused to finish her second drink, even though she could already feel the effects of the first one. “Ever.” 

“Okay, okay. I believe you. But, have you ever considered that she wanted to give you an excuse to visit since apparently old friends and your literal family aren’t enough of a reason?” Christen raised her eyebrows, giving Kelley an annoyed look. Kelley threw her hands up defensively, but continued. “Or… hear me out… Maybe, just MAYBE, she loved you or something.” 

“More like she was trying to punish me for not visiting. That seems to be a tad more likely if you ask me.” 

“Tell me Pressy, when did you get so damn cynical? Was it before or after you broke hearts and skipped town?” 

“Law school, Kell. Law school,” Christen replied, purposefully avoiding the bit about breaking hearts. 

Kelley grinned, a smile that Christen had forgotten how much she missed. 

“Oh, so good to have you back, CP.” Christen couldn’t tell if Kelley was being sarcastic or not. “This town has certainly missed you.” 

Christen was silent, and Kelley slipped to the other end of the bar to refill an older mans beer. When she came back, Christen had finally worked up the (mostly liquid) courage to ask about a certain baker. 

“Kell, c’mere,” Christen asked, waving Kelley over. 

“It’s only twelve thirty, I don’t think you should have anymore to drink,” Kelley joked. 

“No, I want to ask you something. About Tobin.” 

“Is she single? Yes, yes she is.” 

Christen rolled her eyes. 

(And definitely didn’t take note, not at all.) 

“No, not that. When did Jeff die? And where’s Cindy and the other kids?” 

“A few years back. Cindy still lives here, so do Katie and Perry. Jeff moved away shortly after their dad died, he didn’t handle it very well. Tobin took over the bakery after a while, no one else wanted to,” Kelley explained, leaning forward on the bar. 

“Oh,” was all Christen could say. 

“Yeah, ‘Oh.’ Sucks, right?” 

Christen nodded and bit her lip. There were a lot of things she wanted to say, but none of them felt right.

“I kinda messed up,” Christen admitted. 

Kelley gasped exaggeratedly. 

“No!? Really?” Kelley feigned shock, before patting Christen on the hand. “Did you mean today? Or when you left town?”

Christen narrowed her eyes, then sighed. “Both?” 

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No, I think I need to talk to her about it… But, I’ve been-“ 

“A little on the cold-shoulder-y side? So I’ve heard.”

“If that was an actual word… Yeah.”

“It should be.”

“It’s not.”

“Maybe I should’ve used a stronger phrase. Something like...a pain in the ass?” Kelley suggested with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. 

Christen sighs. “Probably still fair. I’m not sure why, I just… can’t talk to her the way I used to. Not after…” 

“She admitted she liked, well, was in  _ love  _ with you, and you split town without another word to anyone and broke her heart?” 

“It sounds especially cruel when you put it like that.”

“If the shoe fits,” Kelley replied, not letting her off easy.

“Okay, yeah. Fine. Not my finest moment. It’s just the timing was bad. I mean I was going off to college and I was about to start building my grown up life, and I’m just having trouble-“ 

“Christen, I like you. You’re a good person, or, at least, the girl I knew way back when was, and I’m pretty sure she’s still in there somewhere. Stop making this all about you, okay? She’s an adult, you’re an adult. What’s done is done, it’s time to move on.” 

“You’re right, Kell. You’re right. I really should talk to her, for old times sake.” 

“There you go. Good decision. Here’s your reward.” She set a bottle of water on the counter. 

“Water?” Christen asked. 

“Yeah, well, I can already tell you don’t handle whiskey like you used to,” she said with a sly grin. 

Christen rolled her eyes, but uncapped the bottle and took a long sip. 

“I’ve got a lot to figure out before I head back to the City, don’t I?” 

“Sure. I mean you have to figure out what to do with grandma’s house without pissing off your family. You need to rekindle long lost friendships,” she gestured at herself, “and maybe potential romance?” she gestured off in a vague direction and Christen bit back the urge to roll her eyes. “All of that in a few days time. Not gonna be easy.” 

“Thanks for the rundown, Kell. Knew I could count on you,” Christen muttered, handing over her credit card, but Kelley pushed it away. 

“Anytime, CP. And this one’s on the house. Old time’s sake.”

“If it was for old time’s sake, you would’ve given me more whiskey,” Christen replied with a grin that Kelley matched. 

“You’ve gotta earn the whiskey.”

Christen sighed. “I’ll work on it.”

As tempted as Christen was to go to the bakery, she figured she needed to talk to her family first. Her sisters still had no idea the house had been left to her… Or that she had no intention of keeping it. 

That was going to be a tough pill to swallow, she knew that much already. 

So, with two whiskeys and a water bottle to fuel her, she made her way down the street and back home. She was slowly starting to realize that the slushy sidewalks of New York had  _ nothing  _ on the sheets of pure ice that were Lanesboro sidewalks. It was becoming increasingly clear to her that her suede boots were not going to keep her very safe. When she arrived home, she noticed that both her dad and Tyler’s cars were parked on the street. 

_ Oh, great. Everyone who loves me.  _

She tried to sneak back into the house as quietly as possible, hoping to find her mom before her father and sister. Unfortunately for Christen, they were all sitting in the living room, almost as if they were waiting for her return. 

“Chris, come sit,” Stacy encouraged, patting the open space next to her. “Channing is getting off work soon, we thought we’d discuss the will… As a family.” 

Christen nodded, a sense of dread settling in. 

“Sure thing. Let me go get changed, and I’ll bring the papers with me.” 

When Christen came back downstairs ten minutes later, in leggings and an NYU Law shirt, Channing had arrived and was sitting next to Tyler. 

Christen set the box of papers down on the coffee table and joined her sisters. 

“First off, I’ve found the will. Grandma left most of her monetary assets to Mom, with some of it to be donated to charities. She wanted most of her belongings to be donated, aside from what we wanted to keep for sentimental purposes. And…” 

Channing and Tyler leaned forward expectantly. 

“The house.” 

“What about it?” Tyler asked, already sounding suspicious. 

“She left me the house.” 

A silence fell over her family. Her mother and father had already known, sure, but hearing it again, in front of their daughters, somehow made it harder. Christen couldn’t help but notice Stacy wipe a tear from her eye. She wouldn’t let it get to her, she just couldn’t. This was business. 

Tyler’s jaw dropped in shock. “You?” 

Christen nodded and handed her sisters the will to see for themselves. 

“Why in hell would she give you the house? You haven’t even visited her in five years!” 

Christen didn’t argue, she knew Tyler was right. 

“Tyler, I don’t understand either. But, she did. I have three choices now, I can sell, rent, or keep it,” Christen explained, using the same voice she used when briefing her clients. 

“Well, you could keep it! And move home,” Channing suggested, her voice full of hope. 

“Channing…” 

“Chan, she isn’t gonna keep it. She’s gonna sell Grandma’s house.” 

“She’s… She’s right, Chan. I’m selling. I can’t rent, not while living in New York… And it would be pretty pointless for me to keep it, let’s be honest.” 

“I don’t… I don’t understand, Chris. I’m not trying to be mean, but you haven’t been here at all. I’m just having trouble understanding why she left it to you.” 

Christen sighed heavily. “I don’t know either, Ty. But she did.” 

“What if I bought it?” Tyler suggested. Channing placed a hand on her sister’s shoulder and shook her head. 

“Ty, no. You can’t afford that,” Channing whispered. She handed the will back to Christen, and shook her head sadly. 

“Listen, Chris. It’s your choice. Grandma left you the house because she wanted you to make this choice, so I think we need to honor that. You’re back, even if it’s only for a little while, and I don’t want us to spend that time being angry. I can’t speak for Ty, but I’ll support you in whatever you decide to do.” 

Christen smiled and wiped away the single tear that had fallen out of her eye. Channing just had to be so damn sweet, and so supportive, when Christen had done nothing to deserve it. 

Cody, who had been silent the entire time, finally spoke up. 

“Christen, Channing, Tyler,” he started, using the same voice he used to use when disciplining them as kids. “Your mom and I just want you girls to be happy. Wherever that may be, even in New York. But, we don’t want this to ruin Christmas, or the little time we have with Christen. Mom and I are here to help however we can, you just let us know.” 

“Thanks, Dad,” Christen whispered. “I think… Tomorrow we need to go to the house and go through her stuff, see if we want to keep anything, everything else we should donate.” 

Stacy and Cody both nodded, and looked to their oldest and youngest daughter. 

“We’ll be there,” Tyler whispered, and Channing nodded in agreement. 

Talking to her family left Christen completely worn out. They spent a few more hours together, sorting out some paperwork, and eating takeout from the one Chinese restaurant in Lanesboro. 

Christen lay awake in her childhood bedroom for much longer than she’d like to admit. She found herself staring at the photos on her wall, barely visible by the light of the full moon. 

She couldn’t stop looking at the old, sun faded photo of her and a lanky brunette, both aged about seven. They were cuddled up in a pillow fort they’d built in Christen’s bedroom, surrounded by pillows and blankets. Their faces were scrunched up in laughter, neither aware they were being photographed. 

She couldn’t help but miss both of the girls in that photo. 

*** 

December 22nd, 2019

Christen woke up early, even though she hadn’t fallen asleep until close to three in the morning. She had a missed call from a number she didn’t recognize, as well as three texts. 

unknown number: 

Chris! This is Kelley! How does dinner sound? Tomorrow night? 

unknown number: 

You, me, a few friends from the old days? 

unknown number:

If you say yes, I’ll buy you drinks. 

Christen rubbed her eyes and read the text messages over again before replying. 

Christen Press: 

How’d you get my number? And how can I say no to free drinks? 

Kelley texted back almost immediately. 

Kelley O’Hara: 

Channing, duh!

Kelley O’Hara: 

I promise it’ll be fun. Everyone heard you were in town and wants to see you:) 

Everyone. Sure. There was no pressure there. Still, Christen was a big girl. She could handle a night out with old friends. 

(Well, maybe she could handle it as long as Tobin wasn’t there.) 

Christen couldn’t put a finger on why she felt compelled to go to the bakery and pick up breakfast for her family. It definitely had nothing to do with a lanky brunette that she had a personal history with who might be working at the counter. She definitely hadn’t spent her uneasy night thinking of warm brown eyes and skilled baker hands. God, her hands… No. It was probably just that she was, in some small way, trying to make some amends to her family. It wasn’t her fault that her grandmother had left her the house and sent their family dynamic into turmoil, but she felt somewhat responsible nonetheless. 

(Plus, perhaps her sister’s words about her absence for the past ten years had cut a little more deeply than she’d care to admit) 

Whatever the reason, just before 7:30 that morning, Christen slipped quietly out of her house so as to not wake its other occupants. She picked her way carefully through the icy streets, tugging her coat tightly around her to protect against the cold. She only almost fell five times. Maybe sneakers really were the way to go in Lanesboro. 

When Christen arrived at the bakery, she expected to see Tobin at the register, but was met with the young blonde instead. 

“Good morning, can I help you?” She asked in a bright and peppy voice. Christen looked around awkwardly before answering. 

“Uh, yeah, is Tobin here?” 

The girl made a face as if she’d just realized something. 

“No, she doesn’t come in until this afternoon. But! If you want, I can call her or something, or send a message, or-“ 

“No, no, it’s fine. Uh, I’ll have a dozen cinnamon rolls, please.” 

The girl, Emily, Christen remembered, smiled politely and began to fill a cardboard box with the most delicious looking cinnamon rolls Christen had ever seen. Her mouth began to water as she remembered the way that Tobin would bring her one of these same treats almost every Friday when they were still in school. 

Christen paid for her cinnamon rolls, and tried not to seem too disappointed that Tobin wasn’t there, but she couldn’t stop the way her eyes strayed to the door to the back as if she might step through it just from Christen willing her there. 

“Thanks, have a good day.” 

Emily smiled politely. “You too, ma’am!” 

Stacy was awake when Christen got home, and smiled wide when she saw her daughter carrying a box of pastries. 

She set down her book to take the box from Christen. “Oh, honey, thank you so much! These look lovely!” 

Christen smiled and shrugged off her coat. “You’re very welcome, Mom. Felt like it was the least I could do.” 

From upstairs, her father called out. “Do I smell cinnamon rolls?” 

He entered a few minutes later, adjusting his tie. “Wow, thanks sweetie,” he remarked, sounding a little surprised at Christen’s act of kindness. He took a cinnamon roll out of the box and placed it on a napkin to take to go, nodding in satisfaction. “Are you going to be here for family games?” 

Christen frowned in confusion. She hadn’t heard anything about family games, at least not since she was about twelve. Her family had used to make every Tuesday game night, but once all the girls had reached their teen years, it had just sort of fizzled out. Christen hadn’t been aware they’d restarted the tradition. 

Well, there were clearly many things she hadn’t been aware of. 

“Uh, maybe… I have some work I’d hoped to get done, was going to call my boss, but… We’ll see,” Christen said, almost as if she was reasoning with herself. Cody smiled knowingly. 

“Alrighty, guess we’ll wait and see.” Cody slipped on his jacket and waved goodbye to his wife and daughter, making sure to take his cinnamon roll as he left. “I’ll see you this afternoon, ladies.” 

At some point after enjoying breakfast and coffee with her mother, Christen slipped up to her room to go over some cases from back home. She was almost four hours deep into pouring over a rather interesting lawsuit when her phone rang. 

“Hi, Crystal,” Christen greeted, wondering if Crystal had been able to sense that she was working. Christen was fairly certain she was about to be yelled at. 

“Hi, Chris. How’s it going back home?” Christen smiled in spite of herself, she’d missed Crystal quite a bit. 

“It’s good. I found the will the other day, and I’ve just been trying to get everything in order before I leave, it’s a lot to do in… Only two more days.” 

“Uh huh, I have faith. And, if I know you, you’re still working on cases from here, aren’t you?” 

Ah, there was Crystal’s sixth sense. 

“Was actually just reading over the Levy case, now that you mention it,” Christen admitted. “Don’t tell Anderson or Rapinoe, though.” 

Crystal laughed on the other end. “I wouldn’t dare, even though I’m a little pissed you’re working instead of sightseeing or something.” 

“Crys, this town is like… twelve feet wide, once you’ve seen one street you’ve seen it all.” Christen shut her computer and walked over to her window to look outside. A light snow was beginning to fall, and Christen had to admit it was quite picturesque. 

“Oh, Christen. I can tell you’re having a  _ great  _ time, aren’t you?” 

Christen chuckled softly and returned to her desk. “Oh, you don’t even know. Oh! Wait, you’re gonna be so proud of me. Tonight I’m going out to dinner with some old high school friends.” 

Crystal all but screamed in excitement. “Yes Christen! Going out on the town, I see you!” 

“Right, who would’ve thought?” 

A knock on the door startled Christen. “Oh, I gotta go, I’ll call you later, okay?” 

“Sure. Have fun!” 

Christen hung up and walked over to her door, where she opened it and saw her dad waiting with a cup of hot cocoa. “With a little cinnamon, just the way you like it,” he said softly, handing over the mug. It felt like a peace offering, of sorts, the same way her dad used to bring her a glass of milk when she was sad. 

“Thanks, Dad,” Christen whispered, accepting the warm cup. 

Cody smiled and looked down at the ground, then back up at his daughter. “Chan and Ty just got here, we’re gonna start games soon, yeah? C’mon down if you want, everyone wants to spend some time with you.” 

Christen nodded and looked back at her desk. There was still paperwork to complete, and she wanted to start looking for a more local lawyer… But that could wait. The sound of her sisters and mom laughing downstairs drew her in, and she couldn’t help but follow her dad down the stairs. 

Channing and Tyler were setting up a board game, and Stacy was carrying two large bowls of popcorn. Christen smiled at the scene playing out in front of her. 

Maybe some games wouldn’t hurt. 

“CHEATING! You’re CHEATING!!” Tyler shouted, throwing her game piece at Channing. 

“TYLER it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to cheat. This is CANDY LAND,” Channing shouted back, gesturing wildly at nothing in particular. 

Christen couldn’t stop laughing at her sisters. They’d always been this competitive, if not worse. 

“Oh don’t you start laughing Christen, I saw you peek at the ice cream card. I  _ know  _ you’re a cheater. I didn’t expect it from Chan.”

Christen laughed even harder. 

She hadn’t laughed this hard since Crystal got her drunk on dessert wine and did impressions of everyone in the office. 

“No,” Christen said in between wheezes. “No, I didn’t peek!” 

“Girls, girls,” Stacy said in a mock annoyed voice. She was just glad to see her three daughters interacting the way they’d used to. Like nothing had ever changed. 

***

December 23rd, 2019

Christen felt like she hadn’t rested all day. After family game night, she’d stayed up late with her sisters, reminiscing about their childhood. As great as it had been, Christen was ready for her last full day in Lanesboro to be over, so she could head back to real life in New York. She’d been lucky enough to find a lawyer to put her parents in touch with, a kind woman she used to go to high school with. 

That morning, Christen and her family had made their way over to her grandma’s house to clean it out, and start putting everything in order. It had been emotional, going through her grandma’s belongings with her family. Everyone had cried at one point or another, even Christen. 

She had to admit Lanesboro had softened her, just a little. 

Which was why she  _ really  _ needed to get back to New York. 

“Mom, Dad, I’m giving you Alyssa Naeher’s contact information. I went to high school with her, and she has a law office about thirty minutes away. I gave her a call this morning and she’s all filled in,” Christen explained. “I was also on the phone with the banks this morning, and I got all her accounts sorted out. Now, when I leave, everything you’ll need is laid out in this folder, hopefully in the order you should need it in.” Christen handed her parents a three ring binder already full of papers. “Alyssa will know what to do if you have any questions.”

“Wow, Chris, this is great,” Stacy said proudly, flipping through the binder. “What about the house?” 

Christen sighed. “I’m still going to sell. I’ll be working with an agent from New York to get it on the market, I’ll probably come back to finalize everything if and when it sells.” 

“Thanks for all your help, sweetie,” Cody said. “It means the world to your mom and I. And hopefully we’ll see a little more of you from now on.” 

Christen smiled. Before she could answer, there was a knock on the door. Christen was surprised to see none other than Kelley O’Hara on the other side. 

“Oh! Kelley, hi, come in!” 

“No, you come out.”

“Kell..” 

“You already said you would, c’mon Press, you’re having mandatory fun starting right now.”

“Jeez, okay, okay. Let me get my coat.”

“Come hang out with friends from high school and remember who you really are.”

“Who I used to be.” 

“Oh, po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Just come with me.”

“I’m coming!” 

Christen was utterly shocked to see Kelley had arrived by car, something she hadn’t seen in days. Lanesboro was about the size of her thumb, so cars were pretty rare. 

“Where are we going?” 

Kelley opened the passenger door for Christen. “Nice little place about twenty minutes out of town. You’ll love it.”

She did love it. The restaurant looked like it belonged back home in New York, all artsy and modern. She couldn’t believe it was so close to Lanesboro, the town stuck in time. 

Their table was a booth in the back, filled with faces that brought Christen straight back to high school. 

“Oh my god, it’s actually Christen Press!” 

“Julie?” The three people that were already seated in the booth all stood to greet her. “Oh my gosh, hi!” 

Besides Kelley and Tobin, Julie, Nima, and Lauren had been her best friends in high school. 

“Oh my god, it’s really you!” Julie declared. 

“Never thought I’d see the day,” Nima added, his voice full of a kind sarcasm. 

It was surprisingly easy to fall into conversation with everyone after the initial greetings. There was plenty to catch up on, after all. 

“Relaxing looks good on you, CP,” Kelley leaned over and murmured. 

“I relax all the time,” Christen replied indignantly. She knows full well that it’s a lie, but Kelley doesn’t. Or maybe she does, judging by the look she’s giving her. 

(Side note, Kelley and Crystal would  _ really  _ get along.) 

“Sure you do.” 

“So, little C is a big lawyer now?” Nima asked, smiling at his old best friend. 

Christen lowered her gaze and blushed. “You could say that, yeah.

“Okay, so tell us about the dating scene in New York City!” Julie interrupted. 

“It’s, uh, I mean-”

“How can she when her true love has been here this whole time?” Kelley murmured in her ear. 

Christen shot her a glare. “It’s fine. It’s the same as anywhere. Lots of fish, but only a few worth catching and they’re usually snatched up before you meet them.”

“So you haven’t been dating anyone,” Cheney, always the perceptive one, decided, reading between the lines. 

“Not recently. Nobody serious,” Christen admitted. 

“You’re telling me that in a crowded city full of eligible bachelors, nobody has caught your eye?” Julie demanded. 

“She’d have had to have taken her eyes off her work to notice anyone,” Kelley piped up. 

“Feel free to stop helping me out, here,” Christen said and Kelley laughed. 

“Okay, but New York City getting ready for Christmas must have been amazing. Do you do the whole ice skating at Rockefeller Center and checking out the tree thing?” Julie asked. 

“Ooooh and the lights at Saks Fifth Avenue?” Kelley added. 

“Or the Columbus Circle Christmas Market?” Nima asked. 

Christen looked at them all apologetically. “I’ve been swamped at work. There have been extra meetings and cocktails with potential clients and I have a deposition coming up in the new year and-”

“She doesn’t actually have a life there. She just works there,” Kelley said with a cheeky grin. 

“Hey! I have friends. And a life. I have a gym and Crystal and I have dinner almost every week when we’re not too busy, or we do take out over case notes, and-”

“It’s cool,” Cheney soothed. “I can’t imagine how stressful being a lawyer there must be.”

“Things probably seem a lot slower around here,” Nima offered with a kind smile. 

“Slower, maybe, but not slow!” Julie declared. “Kell tell you about the new pool room?”

Christen frowned and turned confused to Kelley who shrugs. “It’s a work in progress. So far my friends are the only ones who are allowed to test it out.”

“Kell, you’re friends with the whole town,” Christen pointed out. 

“Close friends,” Kelley modified. “What do you think? Do you qualify?”

It wasn’t meant as a jab, Christen knew that, but more a genuine question on if she was willing to make an effort. “I think I can hang,” she replied and Kelley beamed.

An hour later and the crew were shooting pool in the back room of Kelley’s bar. 

It had been a while, but Christen still had a few skills with a pool cue and she managed to win two straight games after losing her first one. 

Conversation flowed easily (as did a bit of trash talk, especially between Kelley and Julie who seemed to have a bit of a pool rivalry going on). 

Christen tried, and failed, to remember the last time she relaxed and had this much fun without running through cases in the back of her mind. 

Julie and Ash, one of Kelley’s bartenders, teamed up against Nima and Kelley for quite a matchup, leaving her and Cheney leaning against the wall, sipping their drinks, laughing periodically at their friends. 

She’d always liked Cheney. She was always easy going. She was the calm influence of the group to counter the chaos of Kelley. 

Tonight she’d been quick with kind smiles and witty remarks. 

It still caught Christen off guard when Cheney said, “So you’ve seen Tobin.”

It wasn’t a question, but she still felt the need to respond. “Yeah, we’ve...Yeah.”

Cheney nodded. “It’s hard coming home, huh?”

“Yeah, it really is.”

“It can be hard to stay, too,” Cheney said. 

Christen felt like she was getting to a point, so she waited, silently inviting Cheney to continue. 

"She's not fragile, Chris, but she's not the same girl you knew in high school either. A lot's changed, and losing her dad, well...It's coming up on 3 years, you know."

“Wait, really? I didn’t- She didn’t say.”

“Right before Christmas,” Cheney confirmed with a nod. “Not exactly what you greet your high school crush with when she swoops back into town unexpectedly though, is it?”

Christen looked a little sheepish. 

“What’re we talking about?” Kelley demanded, interrupting, pool cue raised up in triumph. 

“The elusive Miss Heath,” Cheney supplied. 

“Ah, Christen’s missed chance,” Kelley replied with a grin. “Long lost lover, the Jack to her Rose… Shall I go on?” 

“Who? My what?” 

Kelley laughed. “Ha. Good try, Chris.”

Cheney smirked and Christen groaned.

“Is it time for me to kick your ass at pool again?” she asked, changing the subject. 

“In your dreams Press! You’re going down!”

After talking to Cheney, she suddenly felt even worse for how cold she’d been to Tobin in the short time since they’d crossed paths. 

Christen thought that maybe, just maybe, if she were staying longer, she’d try to mend things with her childhood best friend, too. After all, she’d managed to get Tyler on her good side, Tobin couldn’t be much harder. 

But, she was leaving the next morning, so Christen pushed down the thoughts and enjoyed dinner with her old friends. 

***

December 24th, 2019 

Christen’s alarm went off at six thirty, and she’d never been so happy to wake up. 

_ Back to New York.  _

Christen sat up in her bed and looked around. 

_ Oh, fuck.  _

Outside was completely, totally, white. Snow was falling in heavy sheets, and clearly had been all night. There had to be at least a foot and a half. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Christen whispered to herself as she ran across her room and opened her laptop. 

Flight cancelled- airport closed due to winter storm. 

“Shit!” 

There was a knock on her door, followed by Stacy entering. “Everything okay, honey?” 

“What are you doing up so early?” 

“I was going to help you get to the airport, but… Well, surprise storm.” 

Christen closed her eyes and groaned. “My flight is cancelled. I’m… Here, I guess.” 

“Oh, don’t sound  _ that  _ upset about it, things could be worse!” 

Christen smiled apologetically. She didn’t want to seem ungrateful, but she wanted nothing more than to go back to New York. 

(And if that was because the longer she stayed in Lanesboro, the more she loved it, nobody needed to know.)

Stacy sat down on Christen’s bed and smoothed out the blankets. “The Christmas Eve party is tonight, you haven’t been since high school. I think you’d have a good time, honey.” 

“You’re right, Mom. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to act so annoyed, I just…”

“You wanted to get home for the holidays, I understand. But, you still have a home right here, you just have to decide if you want it to be home or not.” 

Christen decided she may as well try to be happy. If she was going to be here, surrounded by all the excessive Christmas cheer, she may as well play into it. 

But something else kept nagging at her. 

A certain baker, with warm brown eyes she couldn’t seem to forget, no matter how hard she tried. 

After breakfast and discussing party plans with her parents, Christen excused herself, citing plans with a high school friend. 

Well, technically she hadn’t  _ made plans,  _ but still. 

Someone must have cleared the sidewalks from the snow, because they were clear enough to walk on. Christen was still insisting on wearing her fancy boots, even in a snowstorm. 

Which was totally fine, until she completely lost her footing on a  _ very  _ inconveniently placed patch of ice, and landed on her ass in front of the bakery. 

And  _ of course  _ Tobin was working the register, and saw the whole thing. She was outside and standing over Christen in an instant. 

“Aren’t you gonna help me up?” Christen asked, propping herself up on her elbows. Tobin looked down with a smirk. 

“I don’t know, kinda nice to see you taken down a peg or two. Guess those shoes finally came back to bite you, eh?” 

Christen rolled her eyes and groaned in annoyance. Tobin just smiled knowingly and extended her hand for Christen to take. “Up you go,” she said, almost jokingly. Christen brushed off her pants, trying to keep her head down in an attempt to hide her blush. 

“So, what’re you still doing here?” 

Christen realized she was still holding Tobin’s hand, even though she was firmly planted on the ground by then. She blushed harder and let go of Tobin’s hand. Tobin just continued smirking, flashing that easygoing smile that Christen knew all too well. She’d barely changed since high school. Sure, she’d aged, and there were definite worry lines surrounding her eyes, but they still twinkled the same as they had all those years ago. Christen realized she’d been staring, and still hadn’t answered Tobin’s question. 

“My…” Christen trailed off, she couldn’t stop staring at Tobin’s eyes. The warm brown was so inviting, she felt like she could just get lost for hours. “My, uh, flight got cancelled,” she explained. “So… I thought I’d come down here and…” 

“Fall on your ass?” 

Christen blushed even harder, and Tobin just grinned. 

“C’mon in, lemme get you some coffee or… Some new pants, or something,” Tobin joked. Well, at least, Christen thought she was joking about that last part. 

In the warm bakery, Tobin guided her to the back room. On the butcher block a bowl of dough looked freshly kneaded, beside it a tray of cookies waited to be baked. Christen stood awkwardly in the doorway while Tobin poured her a cup of coffee. 

“You can sit down, Chris, don’t act so awkward.” 

Christen nodded and sat down on a stool, grimacing at the flour that was already coating her clothing. Tobin placed the cup in front of her, and pulled out a stool to join her. 

“Thanks,” Christen whispered, wrapping her freezing fingers around the warm cup. Of course she’d forgotten to put on gloves in her fit of anger. 

Tobin leaned forward on the butcher block, watching a smile creep on to Christen’s face. “Any plans for today?” 

Christen shook her head. “I’ve gotten everything sorted out with my family… There’s nothing left for me to do here.” 

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true. It’s Christmas in Lanesboro, there’s plenty to do!” 

“What, like that one Christmas festival and then looking at snow for the rest of the year? Yeah, plenty to do,” Christen said sarcastically. 

“Oh, don’t be so cynical, Press. You used to love Christmas, what happened?” 

Christen shrugged. “There was never like, a specific moment, or some bad Christmas that ruined everything, I just… Over the years, it lost the magic. Just got more and more corporate, and more and more stressful each year. Just… Isn’t the same as when we were kids, you know?” 

“Nah,” Tobin shook her head and grinned. “I don’t see the point in not loving it. Life’s too short.” 

Tobin slid off of her stool and around to the other side of the counter, where what looked like cookie ingredients were set out to be mixed and baked. 

“I guess I just lost the love at some point,” Christen said, a hint of sadness creeping into her voice. 

“Well now, I’m sure I know someone who can fix that,” Tobin countered, and Christen swore she saw her wink. “Help me?” 

“With what?” 

“These cookies. I’m a little behind and… I wanna head out early today, after Em gets here.” 

Christen walked around the butcher block to stand next to Tobin. “Why’s that?” 

“We’re gonna do fun things, and you’re gonna have a good Christmas Eve. And, who knows, maybe even a merry Christmas.” 

Christen tried to hold back a grin as she flicked some flour at Tobin’s cheek. “You couldn’t be any cheesier. But I’ll let you do what you want, I guess. Nothing better to do… Well, I could help my mom get ready for Christmas dinner-“ 

Tobin shook her head. “She’s got two other kids and a husband for that. I haven’t seen you in ten years, Press. It’s my turn to catch up.” 

Christmas carols played quietly in the background, and outside the snow continued to fall softly. Christen had to admit she’d always loved Lanesboro around Christmas time, how it always looked like a painting straight from a Christmas card. 

“Okay,” Christen said softly, unable to raise her voice above a whisper. “That sounds good.” 

For a brief moment all the girls did was smile at each other, and just enjoy being in each others presence. Christen had to admit that the more time she spent around Tobin, the more she realized just how much she’d been missing her childhood best friend. The silence was ruined when the oven timer went off, beeping loudly. 

“Oh, it’s preheated. We should get mixing,” Tobin suggested, taking her apron off it’s hook and tying it around her waist. She tossed a spare at Christen, who smiled gratefully. “Alrighty, can you… Chris, do you still suck at all things kitchen as much as I remember?” 

Christen smiled sheepishly. “I mean… I can’t say I’ve been practicing.” 

“Are you for real? You live on your own, like a real adult, and you’re still a complete mess in the kitchen?” Tobin smiled fondly. It was obvious she was holding back a laugh. 

“I’ve mastered scrambled eggs, pancakes, and on occasion other things… But I’m still a burn risk,” Christen admitted shyly. 

Tobin laughed and rolled her eyes. “I don’t understand how you can be some badass, powerful lawyer and not be able to cook a decent meal.” 

Christen feigned offense. She wasn’t quite sure how, but they’d slipped right back into the playful banter from all those years ago. For a moment, it was as if she’d never left. 

“Somehow I manage,” she quipped back, coming to stand next to Tobin. “Alright, show me what it’s all about, Heath.” 

Tobin instructed her to measure the ingredients, because there was “no way you’ll be able to mess that up.” 

The bakery was silent for a few moments, both girls working in silence. 

“Tobin?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” 

“What?” 

“Why are you being so nice to me? I don’t get it. I mean, I haven’t exactly been pleasant since I got here. And lets not even mention high school.” 

“Oh, high school,” Tobin laughed. “It’s in the past, as far as I’m concerned. I don’t see the point in being hung up on it. You’re here now, aren’t you? Clearly you didn’t come here to bake, seeing as you just mixed up baking powder and powdered sugar.” 

Christen looked down at the mess she’d already made and blushed. She didn’t understand how Tobin could have such a chill attitude about everything. 

(Years and years of practice. Tobin was maybe, just maybe, completely freaking out internally. Kelley would hear from her later.) 

“Oh. Okay,” Christen said. She was almost embarrassed she’d mentioned it, Tobin clearly thought it was beneath her. 

“You can still apologize or whatever, I can tell you’re dying to.” 

How had this once awkward, lanky girl, turned into the almost cocky woman who was making Christen blush like crazy? 

“I, uh,” Christen stuttered, suddenly put on the spot. “I’m sorry, I really am. When you told me you liked me in high school I… Well, I was really immature. But you weren’t the reason I never came back, I hope you know that.”

Tobin nodded and continued mixing her cookie dough. 

“Well, I can’t say the thought never crossed my mind, but I knew it wasn’t all about me.” 

“No. I just… needed change. And my parents didn’t agree, and it was easier just to cut all ties and leave. I think… Now, I think I’m seeing that maybe that wasn’t the best idea.” 

Tobin just smiled and nodded. 

“I’m sorry,” Christen said again, just to drill it in. 

“I know. It’s okay, Christen. You can stop feeling guilty.” 

Christen nodded, but didn’t say anything. 

“You ever knead bread?” Tobin asked, moving around the counter top. 

“Yeah,” Christen lied. She wanted to be useful, and her cookie dough somehow looked horrible already. 

“It’s easy enough, can you knead this?” Tobin gestured to the bowl of dough. 

“Sure.” 

Christen could not, in fact, knead the bread. About two minutes in it was clear, and Tobin was trying to hold back laughter. 

“No, Pressy, not like that. Here let me-“ Tobin moved to stand behind her, and much to Christen’s surprise, wrap her arms around Christen’s body, and take her hands. “Like this, yeah?” 

Tobin was moving Christen’s hands for her, trying to show her the proper motions for kneading. Christen was suddenly acutely aware of just how close they were, of Tobin’s head hovering over her shoulder, of their bodies pressing together. They were so close, Christen swore she could feel Tobin’s heart beating against her back. 

And the weirdest part was- she liked it. A lot. She couldn’t ignore the small shiver that ran down her body at the touch. 

(Maybe she’d been a fool to turn Tobin down all those years ago. Who could say for sure.) 

“Just like that, Chris. Good job,” Tobin murmured softly

Christen wanted nothing more than to turn her head just an inch to the left, just to see what Tobin looked like in the moment. Before she could do anything, the bell dinged and Tobin was gone, heading into the main room of the bakery. 

She could vaguely hear Tobin’s cheery customer service voice as she interacted with the customer. Thankfully it gave Christen the time she needed to recover from… Whatever had just happened. 

Tobin came back a few minutes later, smiling as usual. “Dough’s looking good, Press.” 

“Guess I’m not a total kitchen disaster, eh?” 

“Well I wouldn’t go that far… But you didn’t mess up too bad.” 

“I’d say I did pretty well… But I’m no baker.” 

Tobin laughed and threw a chocolate chip at Christen. “I gotta get these cookies in the oven, they’re for your parents party tonight… Which, wow, you’ll be at?” 

Christen nodded. “For the first time since high school, can you believe it?” 

“Not at all, the elusive Christen Press has returned.” 

“Not for long, don’t get used to it,” Christen quipped. 

“Oh, don’t remind me. Let me have fun while it lasts.”

It was at that moment that Christen remembered what Cheney had told her last night. 

Here it was, the three year anniversary of her father’s death, and Tobin was baking cookies and acting like everything was fine. 

“Hey,” Tobin spoke up, drawing Christen out of her thoughts. “You got anything to wear tonight? I have a feeling the only thing you brought was business casual or casual casual.” 

“Yeah… But it’s my parent’s party, I don’t think I need to be fancy or anything,” Christen replied. She hadn’t even thought about that. 

“Oh, but Chris, you know you’re the guest of honor now, don’t you? C’mon, Emily just got here, lemme take you shopping. My friend owns this great store and we’ll find you something great,” Tobin suggested. From the front, Emily called out some overly excited greeting. 

“Okay, fine. I’ll just let you do whatever you want, I guess.” 

“Oh?” Tobin said, and that cocky grin was back. “Emily, you good here?” Tobin called out. 

“Yeah boss, I got it down. Closing at twelve, won’t be too much to do.”

Tobin instructed her to take the cookies out of the oven before they burned, and then she and Christen were off. 

(And Emily may or may not have texted Kelley, and Kelley may or may not have replied ‘well it’s working,’ and Emily may or may not have just smiled and laughed as her boss left with an old flame.)

***

As much as Tobin tried to convince Christen that the bright red, overly sequined dress was the way to go, Christen decided on some nice jeans and a festive top, instead. 

They’d spent much too long in the tiny boutique, for no real reason other than for Christen to try on ridiculous outfits that Tobin picked out for her. 

“Alright, where to next?” 

Tobin checked her watch and smiled. “Go home, take this stuff with you. I’ll come get you at five, we can do an early dinner before the party?” 

“Okay, sounds good,” Christen easily agreed. 

(She couldn’t help but think whatever version of herself that had turned Tobin down was an absolute  _ idiot. _ )

Before Christen could head in the direction of her house, Tobin wrapped her up in a hug. 

“I’ll see you soon,” she said, her lips right up next to Christen’s ear. Her lips were so close they touched the edge of her ear, and Christen shivered at the feeling of Tobin’s words taking shape against her. 

On her walk back home, Christen passed her grandma’s house. If she squinted enough, she could still bring up the image of smoke billowing out of the chimney on a cold day. She could see the image of a much smaller Christen, Tyler, and Channing, chasing each other around the back yard. If she closed her eyes, she could hear her grandma calling their names, telling them that dinner was ready, and they better get their little butts inside if they wanted to eat. She saw childhood, adolescence, and everything in between. 

Most of all, she saw adulthood. Try as she might, Christen couldn’t help but see herself, maybe two or three years down the line, walking through the house. Maybe she’d fixed it up, maybe she’d left it exactly the same. Maybe there were little feet walking next to her, maybe she was alone. Christen opened her eyes and shook her head, as if to rid her mind of the images. 

_ This is not the future, it’s the past.  _

***

It was exactly five o’clock when Tobin knocked on her door. Stacy and Cody were decorating the house, and her sisters were putting together snacks. They almost didn’t notice Tobin, but of course Stacy caught her in the corner of her eye and opened the door. 

“Tobin, honey, c’mon in,” Stacy said happily. She always loved to see Tobin, who’d all but become another daughter to her. “What are you up to?” 

“Just here to get Christen,” Tobin explained. 

At that moment Christen ran down the stairs, yelling something to her sisters about needing a pair of boots. 

“Honey, Tobin’s here,” Stacy called. Christen emerged from the kitchen, blushing slightly and holding a pair of worn boots from Channing. 

Stacy laughed softly at her daughter and patted Tobin on the shoulder. “Have a good dinner, we’ll see you at the party.” 

“Finally gave up on those heels, eh Press?” 

“I don’t need you to see me fall on my ass twice in one day, thank you very much,” Christen replied, zipping up her boots. “Ready?” 

“Always, let’s go.” 

“Where are you taking me?” 

“It’s a surprise.” 

“A surprise? I didn’t think this town had any of those to offer,” Christen joked. 

Tobin raised an eyebrow at her and Christen felt suddenly pinned by the heated gaze that came with it. “Oh no? Nothing?” 

Christen bit her lip before replying, “Well, maybe a few things.”

She continued to be surprised, of course. 

“Wait, since when does Lanesboro have an Indian/Nepali restaurant?” Christen demanded. It seemed more like a pace she’d find tucked away in the Village than in cozy-town middle america. 

“Since the Sherpas moved to town a few years back,” Tobin replied. 

Christen hesitated. “The sherpas because they’re from Nepal…?”

“That’s actually their name, Chris,” she explained with a laugh, holding open the door for Christen. “Anyway their food has amazing flavor. Come on.”

They settled into a cozy corner table and ordered quickly, leaving them sitting alone, their faces lit by candlelight. Christen tried not to think about how stunning Tobin looked in the soft glow. 

It felt intimate, between the almost empty restaurant and the lighting and the way the Tobin was looking at her across the table. It almost felt like too much. 

“So are you ready for the party?”

“No,” Christen replied with a small laugh. “Maybe. I’m not sure I’m ready to see everyone that’s known me since I was in diapers traipse through my house looking more at home there than I feel.” 

“Well, in their defense, they’ve spent more time there in the last several years, probably,” Tobin pointed out, but her smile was kind and her eyes were teasing. 

“You certainly have,” Christen replied with a wink. Or, what she hoped came across as a wink. She was notoriously bad at winking. 

“Still can’t wink, eh?” Of course Tobin remembered that. “Big, successful lawyer, and you still can’t wink,” she teased. “Of course, that could change, you know.”

“What, me being able to wink?” Christen asked in confusion, enjoying the twinkle in Tobin’s eyes. 

Tobin laughed softly and shook her head. “No, you being around more. Spending more time here.” 

“Oh?” Christen asked, leaning in a little as if Tobin’s mere presence was drawing her in. 

“Yeah, like, if you decided to visit on a more regular basis, or…”

“Or?” Christen prompted, already sure she knew where Tobin was headed with this. 

“Or if you moved back…?”

The question mark at the end of the sentence was palpable and Christen hesitated before she opened her mouth to respond. So much of her wanted to say yes, that was a possibility, a want even, but then the rational part of her kicked in. 

“Tobin,” she said softly, her voice cracking ever so slightly. She cleared her throat, but Tobin put up a hand to stop her from continuing. 

“I know, I know. You’ve got that hotshot lawyer life to get back to in New York City, I just...Hey, a girl can dream, right?”

Christen looked down at the table. She shook her head without looking at Tobin, she just couldn’t right now. 

“Tobin, no… I’ll visit more… But I’m leaving. There’s no life for me here… There’s nothing keeping-“

  
  


“There could be. You could build one, if you wanted,” Tobin interrupted. 

“It just wouldn’t be worth it,” Christen argued, and she didn’t miss the way Tobin’s face fell. 

Of course it was at that moment that the waitress appeared to give them their menus and take drink orders. Tobin ordered wine for both of them and smiled kindly at the waitress, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Tobin, I didn’t mean-“

“No, I get it. There isn’t anything worth staying for. You don’t have to see your family every single day, and your job is back in New York. I get it.” 

Christen nodded. “Yeah, that’s it.” 

Tobin smiled softly, sort of sadly, and looked down at her menu. “The chicken korma is fantastic, by the way,” Tobin offered. 

“Oh?”

Some of the tension faded away as Tobin pointed out different items on the menu she liked. 

“You know, you should come to New York sometime,” Christen suggested after the waitress had taken their orders. “You’d love it.” 

Tobin smirked from across the table and leaned forward on her crossed arms. Her face was quizzical, like she didn’t believe Christen at all. 

“What makes you say that?” 

“I don’t know, it’s as cold there as it is here… If weather is what you like…” Christen trailed off, clearly growing embarrassed for bringing it up. Her cheeks were flushed a light shade of pink, and she fidgeted with her napkin nervously. 

“Chris, I’d hate the city. You know why I stayed here, right?” 

“Family?” 

Christen had never really thought about it, just assumed that Tobin wanted to stay close to her family. They’d always been so tight, after all. 

“No. Well, that’s a part of it, I guess, but not really. I like how calm it is here. I like that nothing ever changes too much. I like that I can depend on the people here. I like that my best friends are never more than ten minutes away. I like how quiet it is,” Tobin explained. “I mean, everything I love about this place is probably exactly what drove you away.” 

Christen nodded. She understood, she really did. She just couldn’t imagine being in a small town, no matter how tempting Tobin made it sound. Even as a kid, she’d never felt the way about Lanesboro that Tobin did. 

“I guess I never saw it that way.” 

“I wish you could see through my eyes.” 

Christen couldn’t help but giggle and break into a soft smile. “We’ll see about that, Heath.” 

***

“You look good for someone who’s missed her flight home,” Kelley commented. There’s a glint in her eyes and Christen knows she’s making a point, but Christen felt good enough that she didn’t care. 

She just shrugged and knocked back the rest of her drink. “Maybe not the worst Christmas ever,” she replied. She couldn’t help the way her eyes flit to Tobin, almost on instinct. 

Since dinner, she hadn’t gotten Tobin’s words out of her mind. 

_ I wish you could see through my eyes.  _

Kelley didn’t miss the way Christen’s gaze lingered on Tobin for a second too long. She expected nothing less from her two friends. 

“I bet,” Kelley said with a smirk. “Hey Tyler, what do you think of having Christen actually here for Christmas?” 

Christen held her breath as her eyes turned to her sister. Channing she knew had forgiven her for long absences both emotional and physical. Tyler, though…

Tyler studied her for a moment, then grinned. “Seems like a pretty good gift,” she declared, and Christen breathed out a sigh of relief, offering a half hug that Tyler accepted easily. 

“I think being here with my family is a pretty good gift, too.”

“And your friends,” Kelley added with a grin. 

Christen rolled her eyes. “Yes, and them, too, annoying as they might be.”

Kelley stuck out her tongue and Christen did it right back. 

“Good to see maturity reigning at this party,” Nima commented with a smile, joining them. 

“Always where Kelley is involved,” Christen teased of her old friend. 

“At least I don’t run away from my problems,” Kelley said in a sing-song, and Christen stuck out her tongue again, a good-natured smile on her face. 

“Speaking of running away, did I hear you say being here is a good Christmas present? Because, you know, you could always stay,” Nima couldn’t help but to point out. His eyes darted pointedly to Tobin and Christen didn’t miss it. 

Christen felt a tug in her chest. It was a thought that had crossed her mind a lot in the past twenty-four hours, but she had a life in New York. She had friends and a job she liked and responsibilities. She couldn’t just walk away from it because she’d had a surprisingly good week at home. What kind of a person would that make her? Okay, so maybe she didn’t have as much time to prioritize happiness in the City, but she had other things. “Ha, well, how about I just visit a little more often.”

“So once every two years instead of every five?” Tyler teased, but there was a playfulness to her tone where a few days ago it would have been cutting, and Christen felt comfortable enough to laugh along. 

“You need some eggnog,” Kelley declared. She started to step away, then looked back at Christen with that signature smirk and a wink. “I spiked it.”

Christen laughed again. “Of course you did.”

Two glasses of eggnog and a mug of spiced hot cider that Kelley had also spiked later, and Christen found herself back at Tobin’s side, her warm buzz from the booze paling in comparison to the warmth that being near Tobin created in her chest. But she didn’t dwell, her time was already so limited. It wasn’t a night for dwelling. It was a night for living in the present, and in the present she had a cute girl she’d known her whole life at her side, talking to her, smiling at her, reminding her that maybe she didn’t blow things between them completely all those years ago. 

She let herself get a little lost in Tobin’s brown eyes, almost to the point of not properly listening to what she’s saying, until Kelley bounded over with a skip in her step and said, “Well, lookey who’s standing conveniently under the mistletoe!” 

Christen looked up in surprise and, sure enough, there was some mistletoe hanging there. 

(She suspected Kelley had something to do with that.)

She looked back at Tobin whose eyes were so wide. She looked like she didn’t want to ask, like she doesn’t know what it was okay to expect. She looked like she was about to shake her head and laugh off their placement. 

Christen smiled at her and leaned in close, pressing a kiss that lingered maybe a second longer than it should onto the smooth skin of Tobin’s cheek. She breathed in the clean scent of her shampoo mixed with the vanilla and spice from the cookies and cider she’d been eating. She let her eyes flutter shut, memorizing the way Tobin’s skin felt warm beneath her lips. It was only a moment, but when she pulled back Tobin’s eyes were even wider and she felt a little breathless, but she managed to smile at Tobin anyway. “Couldn’t disappoint the mistletoe,” she said. 

“Right, yeah,” Tobin replied, her voice a touch hoarse. 

Christen wasn’t sure if it was a conscious thing the way Tobin’s fingers raised to touch the spot where Christen had kissed as she turned to talk to Kelley, but Christen didn’t miss it. 

There was another little pang in her chest as if her heart was beating out a rhythm that said “stay here” over and over and over.

By close to midnight, Christen had bumped into her pediatrician, orthodontist, high school literature teacher, and even her old soccer coach. She hadn’t realized just how many people were missing her, but based on the amount of shocked greetings and hugs, it was clear to her now. As guests started to trickle out one by one, Christen couldn’t help but notice Tobin hanging back. 

“Tobin?” 

“Take a walk with me? Old times sake?” 

And Christen just couldn’t quite turn her down. She didn’t want the night to end, and if she was being perfectly honest, she couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss she’d pressed to Tobin’s cheek earlier that night. It was small, barely lasting over three seconds, but it’d left her head spinning. 

“Okay,” Christen whispered. 

In truth, there was no where else she’d rather go. 

The snow outside was falling as steadily as it had all day. Christen swore she could hear bells jingling faintly in the distance, and maybe carolers as well. Lanesboro truly was magical at Christmastime. Behind her the front door opened and closed again. She turned around to see Tobin, now wearing her coat and beanie. She smiled softly at Christen and walked past her, motioning for Christen to follow. 

“Where are we going?” Christen asked. Tobin looked back at her and smiled, but still remained silent. They walked down the Press driveway together, both taking small steps to avoid falling. 

After a few minutes, Tobin finally spoke. “You know, when we were kids, I used to think this town was huge. Like it was the whole world, you know?” 

Christen shook her head. “No, never. I always felt trapped.”

“Guess that’s where we’re different, isn’t it. I still feel like everything I need is right here,” Tobin remarked, still just staring off into the distance. The streetlights cast an almost mystical light on the falling snow, making everything feel all the more magical. 

“Everything?” Christen asked, her voice soft and tentative. Tobin chuckled softly and turned back to face Christen. 

“Well, almost everything,” she said, her voice sounding almost suggestive. “Almost everything.” 

Christen nodded but didn’t say anything. She didn’t feel like she needed to, both girls knew what Tobin meant. 

“Sometimes… Sometimes I wish this town would have been enough for me,” Christen admitted. She’d never said that out loud, not even when she was alone. Certainly not to anyone else. 

Tobin looked at her expectantly, as if she was waiting for an explanation. Christen laughed to herself and shook her head. 

“I don’t know, I love the City. And I love my life there. But, being here these past few days… Seeing my family, and Kelley and…” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah, and you. Especially you.” 

They continued walking in silence, Tobin leading Christen through the town she was trying so hard to relearn. 

“I wish it had been enough for you, too. When you left, I thought about you every single day, you know,” Tobin admitted. They’d arrived at a brick wall overlooking the frozen pond, one Christen recognized from the countless days they’d spent there as kids. 

“Do you still? Think about me?” Christen asked shyly, not sure if she even wanted to hear the answer. 

“Not as much. You know, things happened, I had to move on and focus on the future. But I do, sometimes I see, or hear, or even smell something that reminds me so much of you… And it’ll take me right back.” 

Christen was silent for a moment. She wanted to bring up what Cheney had told her, but she didn’t know if it was her place. Before she could think any more, her mouth acted for her. 

“I’m sorry about your dad, Tobs,” she whispered and placed a hand on Tobin’s shoulder. 

“How…”

“Cheney told me.”

“Oh.” Tobin shifted on her feet uncomfortably. 

“You could have told me, you know,” Christen said softly as she moved closer to Tobin. 

Tobin looked out at the pond silently, and closed her eyes for a long moment. 

“Christmas was his favorite holiday. God, he loved everything about it. I’ve found the best way to honor him is to enjoy the day, just like he would have.” 

Christen frowned. “You smiled all day, went out of your way to make it fun for me. Isn’t that hard?” 

Tobin shrugged as if it was no big deal, and turned to face Christen. “Sometimes. But thinking of my dad and the things we shared at Christmas makes me smile,” she explained, a small smile returning to her face. 

Christen couldn’t help but be in awe of the girl standing in front of her. What happened should be tragic by all rights, but here she was, not getting down or hating the holidays. She was kind instead of bitter, and went out of her way to bring joy to those around her. 

“You’re amazing, you know?” 

Tobin laughed again and shook her head. “I’m the same as I’ve always been, Chris. I’m just me. Same me, same town, same friends, same thing.” 

“No…” Christen whispered and took another step forward. “No, you’re not. The old Tobin was falling for me… But I think I’m falling for you, this time.” 

That was all it took for Tobin to lean in and kiss her. She all but swept Christen off her feet, wrapping her arms around Christen’s waist and pulling her in close. 

And she was so gentle, so soft, not in any hurry. Tobin just kissed her softly under the glow of the streetlights, and it was perfect. 

It was Christen who pulled away first, not because she wanted the kiss to end, but because she was too overwhelmed. 

“Tobin, I-“ 

“It’s okay,” Tobin whispered. “It’s okay, I promise.” 

Christen wasn’t even sure what Tobin was promising would be okay, but she believed her wholeheartedly. She nodded and leaned back in, kissing Tobin again, a little more passionately than before. She tried to memorize every moment, the way Tobin’s lips felt against hers, the way she held Christen so close. How cold the air was, but how warm Tobin made her feel. This time they only broke apart when Christen shivered. 

“You cold?” Tobin whispered, her lips still so close to Christen’s. 

Christen nodded, never breaking their eye contact. “Yeah, I am.”

“Do you want to… We could go back to my place? Get you some hot cocoa?” Tobin suggested as she ran her hands up and down Christen’s arms, trying to warm her up. 

“I’d like that a lot,” Christen whispered. Tobin smiled and took her hand. Christen had never felt like she belonged anywhere more. 

Tobin’s apartment was cozy, a small one bedroom built over top of the bakery. It smelled the same as the bakery did, warm and spicy like gingerbread. When they entered, Tobin disappeared into her bedroom for a moment, before returning with a wool blanket for Christen. 

“Cocoa or tea?” 

“Cocoa, please,” Christen said as she kicked off her boots and curled up on Tobin’s couch. While Tobin was occupied in the kitchen, Christen took the chance to scan her apartment. It was exactly what Tobin had always wanted, homey and full of character. It was small, probably the same size as Christen’s own (very overpriced for the size) apartment. The living room was filled with a couch and two comfy looking chairs, as well as her coffee table and TV. There were photos everywhere- on the coffee table, TV stand, mantle, fireplace, and walls. It was like a gallery of Tobin’s life. Most of the photos were of her family. Christen spotted a few with her nephews, and smiled at how sweet Tobin looked holding the kids. Throughout the family photos, were some taken with Kelley and other high school friends Christen vaguely recognized. There was prom night, graduation, even some of Tobin as a kid. 

Even a few of a very, very young Tobin and Christen, huddled together on the first day of elementary school, bundled up in snow clothes, and the last photo taken of them- right after graduation, in cap and gown, hours before everything fell apart. Christen smiled and ran her finger over the frame, careful not to smudge the glass. It was clear Tobin had tried to keep all the photos of Christen to a minimum, because these three were the only ones out. 

She’d been so deep in studying the photo that Christen hadn’t noticed Tobin, who was now standing behind her. 

“Good ones, aren’t they?” 

“Yeah,” Christen agreed, taking the mug from Tobin’s hands. “I miss them.” 

“The photos?” 

Christen shook her head and returned to the couch. “No, us.” 

“Oh, I get it. We had fun, didn’t we,” Tobin remarked in a far off voice, as if she was reminiscing. 

Christen shifted closer to Tobin and carefully laid her head on her shoulder. 

“Are you feeling any warmer?” 

“Not yet, my clothes are kind of wet,” Christen muttered. 

Tobin looked her up and down, eyes lingering. She bit her lip, as if she was trying to hold back from saying something. After a moment’s hesitation, she spoke again. 

“We could get you out of those… I mean, I have clothes you could borrow, not like…” Tobin’s voice trailed off as Christen leaned forward and set down her mug. “Or you could…” 

Christen stood facing Tobin, neither of them speaking for a long moment. Ever so slowly, almost painstakingly slow, she shrugged off her cardigan, leaving it in a pile on the floor. The apartment was filled with silence, the only noise the soft crackling of the fire and their breathing. Tobin was biting her lip again, and Christen couldn’t help but find it adorable. 

“Okay?” Christen asked in a whisper. Tobin nodded and reached out a hand, which Christen took. She pulled her in closer, until she was close enough for Tobin to reach out and grab her waist, pulling her gently downward onto her lap.

“Very okay.” Slowly, as if she were scared Christen would change her mind and run off, Tobin lifted the hem of her shirt. “Can I?” 

“Please.” Christen swallowed hard and lifted her arms up as Tobin removed her shirt. It landed with a soft thud on the floor, next to her cardigan. 

“You’re beautiful,” Tobin said softly, before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to her shoulder, and scattering more across her collar bones. Christen couldn’t help but giggle. She’d never felt so giddy in her life. 

She’d never felt so excited, so hopeful, so safe and comfortable. 

If she didn’t know any better, she’d think she was a little bit in love. 

The night ended in Tobin’s bed, with kisses both slow and rushed, soft and rough. They took their time discovering each other’s bodies, touch after touch until they were both exhausted, and laying together tangled in Tobin’s sheets. 

Christen fell asleep tucked into Tobin’s side, happier than she’d been in a long while. 

She woke up once in the night, and took in her surroundings before panicking just a little. She sat up slightly, her movements causing Tobin to wake as well. 

“Chris? What’s wrong?” 

“I should go, my parents will wonder-“ 

“It’s late, Chris. Just stay, yeah? They’ll understand,” Tobin said as she wrapped her arm around Christen’s shoulder and urged her back down into the bed. 

Christen nodded, even though she knew Tobin couldn’t see her, and snuggled back into her side. 

“Sleep, baby,” Tobin whispered as she drifted back to sleep. 

_ Baby.  _

December 25th, 2019

Christen woke up early, like she had the past few days. A soft light streamed in through Tobin’s blinds, and a bird chirped outside. Christen shivered and pulled Tobin’s blankets over their bodies. The clock on Tobin’s wall showed 6:45, still plenty of time for her to get up and head to her parents. 

“G’morning Chris,” Tobin whispered from underneath her. Christen sat up to better see Tobin, who just looked so incredibly good. Her hair was in the loose bun she’d put it in the night before, with tendrils falling around her face. Her eyes were soft and barely open from sleeping, and that almost ever-present smirk was plastered on her face again. 

“Morning.” 

Christen snuggled in closer and pressed a kiss to Tobin’s jawline. “I should go home, get back before my parents wake up.” 

Tobin laughed softly and brushed some curls out of Christen’s face. “You’re not a teenager you know, you don’t have to sneak around.”

Christen was already out of bed and searching for her jeans, which had been thrown into the corner the night before. “I know, I know. But my sisters will be there for breakfast and gifts, and I should shower, and… Wait, what are you doing for Christmas?” 

“My family’s been a little distant about it since Dad died. My brother stays in the city with his girlfriend, Perry, Katie, and Mom usually do something,” Tobin explained. 

“And you?” Christen asked as she shimmied into her jeans. She looked around for her bra and shirt before remembering they were still in the living room. 

“I go over to Perry’s for dinner usually.”

“Not Christmas morning? You love it!” 

Tobin shrugged and slipped out of her bed, wrapping a throw blanket around her and following Christen down the hall into the living room. “Christmas is really sad for them. So I let them be sad, and I go over later. It works out.” 

“Come with me,” Christen suggested. 

It took very little convincing for Tobin to agree. 

When they arrived at the Press household, Stacy was, of course, already awake and making eggs and bacon. Christen walked into the kitchen shamefully, Tobin trailing behind her like a puppy. 

“Morning, Chris, nice of you to come home,” Stacy quipped. “Morning to you, too, Tobin.” 

“Morning Stacy,” Tobin mumbled. It was the first time Christen could remember seeing Tobin embarrassed or shy. 

Christen walked up to her mother and wrapped her in a side hug. Stacy tried not to look too surprised at the uncharacteristic affection from her middle daughter. “Sorry I didn’t come home last night, I hope you weren’t too worried.” 

“Oh, I wasn’t. Chan told me you left with Tobin, I knew she’d take care of you.” 

Christen flushed pink. She had nothing to say to that. It was a little too true, Tobin had taken  _ great  _ care of her. Many times. 

“Chris, I checked the weather before you came over. The airline has cleared the tarmac, you should check to see if your flight is rescheduled. Or to book another, I guess.” 

Christen looked up at her mother in surprise. She had completely forgotten about her flight. 

“Oh, yeah, I’ll check after breakfast,” Christen replied nonchalantly. She was too focused on Tobin’s hand on her shoulder to really care about flights right now. 

(And sure, maybe a small part of her didn’t even  _ want  _ to check for flights, but she pushed the thought away.) 

Christen didn’t have much more time to think about it, because seconds later her sisters and father bounded into the room. 

“Merry Christmas!” Channing shouted and threw herself at Christen, who laughed in surprise and wrapped her arms around her younger sister. 

“Tobin, thanks for bringing her back,” Cody said and clapped Tobin on the back lightly. Christen was still surprised at how close Tobin was with her family. 

Tobin smiled and ran her fingers through her hair. “No problem, Cody.” 

“Are you staying for breakfast? We’d love to have you,” Stacy added from where she stood at the stove. 

Both of Christen’s sisters had retreated to the living room to argue over what Christmas movie to watch, leaving Christen, her parents, and Tobin standing in the kitchen. Tobin looked sideways at Christen, who nodded encouragingly. 

“If that’s okay with you two, I’d love to stay,” Tobin said, and for once, there was a hint of shyness in her voice. 

“Oh honey, you know you’re always welcome here,” Stacy replied. 

Christen couldn’t help but slip her hand into Tobin’s and squeeze lightly. 

Christmas breakfast was just as delicious as Christen remembered from her childhood. Stacy had always woken up before everyone else, which got harder as her kids woke up earlier and earlier in hopes to catch Santa, and made a spread fit for royalty. 

The Press family was loud, as always, laughing and joking with one another. Christen was silent, just taking it all in, especially the girl sitting next to her. Tobin was equally as animated, sharing a story about a customer, clearly a tourist, she’d encountered in the bakery last week. 

Once again, Christen couldn’t help but feel like she’d never left. 

When it came time to open presents, Christen realized she didn’t have anything for her family. She hadn’t planned on being in town, and hadn’t even thought to bring presents. She was usually the type to send a card in the mail, maybe a gift card too. 

“I’m sorry guys, I didn’t get you anything… I hadn’t planned on being here, I’m so-“ 

“Chris, don’t worry.” Surprisingly, it was Tyler who cut her off and placed a comforting hand on Christen’s shoulder. “You being here is a present in itself. You can always make it up to us next year,” she said with a wink. 

_ Yeah, next year.  _

While her siblings and parents passed around gifts, Tobin and Christen sat on the floor with their backs against the couch. Christen couldn’t help but lean her head on Tobin’s shoulder. It just felt so natural, like she’d been doing it for years. 

“Oh, I got you something,” Tobin said suddenly, as if she’d forgotten. “Well, made you something.” 

Christen lifted her head up to look at Tobin, who had that signature twinkle in her eyes once again. 

“Tobin, I didn’t-“ 

“No, that’s okay. I had some time yesterday and I just felt like it.” 

Tobin stood up to go find her backpack, and returned moments later with a small, poorly wrapped gift. Christen’s name was scrawled messily across it in sharpie, which brought a small smile to Christen’s face. The package was small, just larger than Christen’s hand. Tobin sat back down next to her and nudged her shoulder, 

“Open it.” 

“Okay, okay, don’t be so impatient,” Christen joked. She removed the wrapping to reveal what looked like a small leather journal. She opened the cover to reveal a sketch of the bakery. The detail was exquisite, each line, each shadow so carefully marked. Christen let her fingers trail over the pencil marks of the familiar scene. It was so vivid she could practically smell the cinnamon wafting up from the cookies on the counter. 

She turned the page and let out a small laugh when she saw the distinct sign for “Brews, Booze, and Balls” above a gorgeous rendering of the bar itself. 

Every page she turned had a different building in town, some of which she still knew well, some of which she barely recognized. 

And then she turned the page and her breath caught in her throat. 

“Tobin, I…” 

Christen had come across a sketch of herself, which Tobin must have done the day before. Her hair was down in loose waves and she was gazing off into the distance with a faint smile on her face and she looked...at peace. 

“I hope it’s not weird or anything, I just thought-“ 

“No, no, I love it. I love…. It’s perfect, thank you,” she assured her, her voice cracking slightly. 

Christen flipped all the way to the end, where Tobin had written a small note on the very last page. 

_ Chris-  _

_ So you always have a little piece of home, wherever you may go from here.  _

_ Love always, Tobin _

_ 12.25.19 _

Christen closed the journal and placed it on her lap. She could feel the tears forming in her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks. 

“Tobin… This means the world to me, thank you.” 

Tobin just blushed and looked down at her lap, and Christen couldn’t help but lean forward and place a soft kiss on her cheek. Nothing too incriminating for her family to see, just enough to show Tobin how she felt. 

“You’re welcome,” Tobin softly whispered. She pressed another kiss to Christen’s hairline, letting her lips linger for a little longer than might have been normal. She just didn’t want to let go. 

“I didn’t… I didn’t get you anything, Tobs, I-“ 

“Nah, you did. More than you know.” 

And maybe Christen imagined it, because she wasn’t the type to feel this way, not at all, but she could have sworn she felt butterflies in her stomach. 

***

It was four pm on Christmas day when her flight was rescheduled. 

MSP to JFK flight 576

departs at 7:34 pm, December 25th, 2019

Tyler and Channing sat in Christen’s room while she packed her clothes, silent until Tyler spoke up. 

“Please visit more, Chris. I know you said you would but…” 

Christen zipped up her suitcase and turned to look at her sisters. “You don’t trust me.”

“No, well, not exactly-“ 

“That’s understandable. I know I messed up, I do. I promise you guys I’m going to do better. I mean, I’ll be back soon enough to close on the house, you can count on that visit.” 

Both her sisters nodded, somehow knowing that Christen would be a more frequent visitor.

Saying goodbye to her family was much more emotional than she ever would have expected. She’d become quite attached in the last week, finding it easy to slip back into their old habits and routines. 

When she hugged everyone goodbye for the last time, there was no shortage of tears. Christen promised over and over again to visit soon, but she knew her family didn’t fully trust her yet. Still, she was determined to prove them wrong. After her final watery goodbyes, Christen climbed into her Lyft. Her parents had insisted on driving her, but she knew the snowy highway made them nervous. 

Just as she buckled her seatbelt, a thought crossed her mind. 

_ Tobin.  _

“Oh, wait!” Christen half shouted. Her driver turned around and looked at her in confusion. “I’m sorry, is there anyway we could stop by the Heath’s bakery? I, uh, I have to pick something up.” 

Her driver smiled. “Of course.” 

Christen hesitated as soon as the warm glow of the bakery windows came into view. She didn’t want to say goodbye. Not really. She’d been dreading this with each step, and now that she could make out Tobin’s outline moving around the cozy bakery it was almost enough to make her turn back.

But she couldn’t. Not this time. She couldn’t just turn and walk away without a goodbye. She owed Tobin more than that. If there was any chance that they’d be able to maintain any sort of a friendly relationship in the future, she couldn’t just disappear on her again. 

She covered the remaining distance with a determined resignation, but when she reached the bakery she still couldn’t quite bring herself to knock. She knew she was running out of time. She needed to get to the airport. She needed to catch her flight home and get back to her real life and her job. 

Her chest felt tight and the cold air almost suffocating as she watched Tobin carefully setting up an arrangement of cookies in a box to take to her family. She looked so good there, in her space, so at ease, so peaceful. 

Christen didn’t want to shatter it. 

Before she could do anything, though, Tobin looked up as if sensing her presence. Her eyes danced and a broad smile played on her lips as she saw Christen. 

Christen brought up a hand and waved half-heartedly, knowing that her own smile couldn’t match Tobin’s. 

There was a flicker of recognition on Tobin’s face, and then the smile faded to a set jaw and eyes that had seemed so full of life a moment before turned sad. Tobin abandoned the half-filled box of cookies and made her way out from behind the counter to the door. There was no spring to her step as there had been the day before. There was simply a reserved sadness as she pushed the door open for Christen. 

She didn’t step back. She didn’t invite her in. Christen knew that if she had she couldn’t have accepted. 

(She knew that if she had accepted she might not have been able to bring herself to leave.)

“Hey,” Christen greeted with as much levity in her voice as she could manage. 

“You’re leaving,” Tobin replied. The guilty look on Christen’s face had been more than enough to let Tobin know what was coming next. 

Christen nodded. “My flight got rescheduled, and-”

“You could push it back. You could catch a different one,” Tobin cut her off, reaching out and taking Christen’s hands in hers. There was a desperation in her eyes and Christen so badly wanted to step into her warmth, to let the hands that felt so familiar in hers pull her in and hold her tight and never let her go, but she knew that she couldn’t. 

“I can’t, Tobs. I have my whole life back in the City.”

“Your whole life?” Tobin echoed, holding Christen’s gaze. 

Christen couldn’t give in. She couldn’t admit that the entire story she’d told herself this whole trip about everything waiting for her back in the City might not be as true as she’s wanted to think. “I have to get home,” she said instead of an answer. 

“Just because you live somewhere doesn’t make it home, Chris-“ 

“Tobin, don’t do this. I can’t.” Tobin’s hands dropped hers and she turned her head to the side as if just the act of looking straight at Christen was suddenly painful. “Tobin-” Christen tried, but Tobin took a step back and shook her head. 

“ I have to go. I have a life there. You can't really expect me to drop everything I've built there and come back-"

“Are you happy?” Tobin asked and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“What?”

“Are you happy in New York? Because, if you are, if you can really say that you’re happy, I’ll let it go. But if not, I don’t think I can.” 

“I am happy,” Christen said, but she couldn’t lift her head to look at Tobin. She knew her eyes would give her away. 

“Look me in the eyes when you say that,” Tobin challenged. 

Christen snapped her head up in defiance. “I’m happy Tobin, so just drop it,” she said angrily.

She couldn’t help but think that history really does repeat itself.

“Travel safe, Chris,” she mumbled, and Christen could already feel her heart starting to break. She didn’t want to travel safe. She wanted to stay. 

She couldn’t though, she reminded herself. 

“Thanks,” she murmured in reply. Before she could think better of it, she turned back around and marched up to Tobin. She leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to Tobin’s cheek, breathing in the sweet scent of vanilla and cinnamon that always seemed to cling to her as if to memorize it. “I’ll visit,” she promised, the words, “I’ll miss you” dying before they could leave her lips. 

“Right,” Tobin said, like she didn’t believe a word of it. 

“I will,” Christen insisted. 

Tobin still wouldn’t meet her gaze and Christen knew this was as much of a goodbye as she could spare the time for. Her driver was bound to be annoyed with her by now. 

“I’ll see you, Tobin.” 

Tobin simply nodded again, staring down at the snow drifting into the bakery as Christen took one last look and turned away.

As she walked out of the bakery and climbed into her Lyft, she tried not to think of the woman she was leaving behind. 

Not just the woman, but the friends, and the family, and the small town holding them all. 

_ I’m happy, I am.  _

The words rang hollowly in her head all the way to the airport. They lingered as she made it through security with a little time to spare. She thought them as a mantra as she perused the magazines at the newsstand and picked one out to read on the flight. 

_ I am happy. I am, _ she thought again as she boarded her plane. 

But Christen was finding that harder and harder to believe.

Once in her seat, she resisted the urge to dig out the sketchbook and look at the drawings. She resisted the urge to look at the picture Kelley had taken of her and Tobin at the Christmas party. 

Most of all, she resisted the urge to get off her plane and go back to the love she’d left behind. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the much awaited second part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it feels amazing to finish this. once again, the hugest of thanks to @Heath17_KO5 for helping this story reach its full potential. couldn't have done it without you! 
> 
> i hope you all enjoy, sorry for making you wait!

December 27th, 2019

New York City had never felt so big. Even the first time she’d arrived, a wide eyed kid ready for college and the future, the City hadn’t felt  _ nearly  _ as daunting as it did now. Everything about the City felt wrong. The sidewalks were wet and dirty. The snow was slushy and grey. The skyscrapers she usually found peace in felt daunting and overwhelming. She had a hard time admitting it, but Christen found herself missing the simplicity of Lanesboro. 

But she had work to do. 

So Christen pushed down her feelings and tried to get back into the zone. The work zone, where she belonged. Even though she didn’t need to, Christen went back to work the morning after she arrived back home. She even arrived before Crystal, who always tried to be there before anyone else. 

She hadn’t seen Crystal since before her trip, but she had ignored her calls. Crystal had called the night she’d gotten back, and Christen had let it go to voicemail. If she’d answered, Crystal would have heard her crying. And Christen never cried. 

But that night she had. She’d cried for her parents, and her sisters. She’d cried for her grandma, a loss she still hadn’t processed. Most of all, she’d cried for herself. For the years she’d lost, for the love she’d passed up. She’d cried for Tobin, who she had a hunch was doing the same. She knew she’d lied to Tobin. New York wasn’t home. But it was her life. She was happy, or at least she should be. But still, she’d cried for New York. 

So, she didn’t answer the phone when Crystal called. And she didn’t return any of her texts. 

Christen was so, so lost. 

Later that morning, Crystal walked into Christen’s office, hands on her hips. 

“I’m giving you a pass for not answering my calls… But we’re talking now.” 

Christen shrugged and gestured to the chair across from her desk. 

“So, how was the trip home? I didn’t hear too much from you… Thought maybe you were having fun or something.” 

“Oh, it was fine. Got everything in order with my parents… Well, I need to get in touch with a real estate agent who can work with me from there, but anyway. How’s the office?” 

Crystal rolled her eyes and sat down on top of Christen’s desk, which she only did because she knew it drove her best friend up the wall. 

“Office was fine, you aren’t the only one who works here. And I don’t wanna hear about the estate, I wanna know how  _ you  _ are.” 

“I’m great, Crystal. Would have liked to be home three days ago, but I’m great.” 

“You know I want to hear all about Christmas with your family, right?” 

Christen rolled her eyes again and leaned back in her chair. Her office had a beautiful view of the City, one she always loved looking at when she got overwhelmed. 

Now, she just wished she was overlooking that beautiful frozen lake, with a beautiful woman next to her. 

“Uh, it was good. I spent Christmas Eve with an old friend, then Christmas day with my family. Happy now?” 

“Ooh, what sort of an old friend?” Crystal asked, wiggling her eyebrows. Christen tried to laugh it off, but as images of Tobin flashed before her eyes she couldn’t stop the blush that crept up her cheeks. “A boyfriend?” Crystal suggested. 

Christen felt herself blush even harder. “No. Definitely not a boyfriend,” Christen replied. Technically it wasn’t a lie, after all. 

“Okay, okay, well friend friends are good too. Glad you found someone to keep you company while you were gone, Pressy. They’re not replacing me though, right?” 

Christen pretended to consider it for a moment before smiling and shaking her head. “Never.” 

“Good, you’re stuck with me, Pressy.” 

When Crystal left, Christen stood up and walked over to her window. Outside, the City looked as busy as ever. Snow had fallen a few days prior, leaving the streets covered in a now grayish-brown icy slush. It was nothing like the pure white snow covering the town she’d left behind. 

Left behind. 

Just like she always did. 

Christen swallowed hard and returned to her desk to pour over the case files she’d been ignoring. 

***

December 29th, 2019

Christen was purposely choosing to ignore the way she was throwing herself into work. She’d arrived at the office early and left late every single day since coming home. Crystal was worried, Ali was worried, even her bosses were worried. But the more time she spent alone, or at her apartment, the more time she spent thinking about Lanesboro, and her family, and most of all Tobin. 

Tobin, who she wished she could call. Who she wished was standing right beside her, cracking jokes and smirking. Christen hadn't been able to open the sketchbook since Tobin had given it to her. She knew that the moment she opened it, the tears would start, and she wasn't sure they would ever stop. 

At least there was plenty of work to throw herself into. It was amazing how much piled up when she was gone for a week. Even with others covering for her there were papers only she could sign and clients to call back and briefs to review. Unlike before, though, when the business of the job gave her satisfaction and each task completed gave her a sense of accomplishment, now it felt suffocating. As much as she did it felt like the stack of files on her desk never shrank. She longed to be able to take a walk in the snow or pause to enjoy a cup of coffee. Then again she knew that as soon as she did, thoughts she didn’t want to have would swirl unbidden through her mind and she’d feel suffocated in a different way entirely.

***

December 31st, 2019

“Chris! You’ve gotta try this, Ali made it, it tastes like…. Rainbows!” 

Christen smiled and laughed at her more than tipsy best friend. Crystal was about four shots and two of Ali’s new ‘signature drinks’ in. Christen on the other hand, was all too sober. It was New Years Eve, she was at a party, and by all means should be letting loose and having fun with her friends, but instead she was alone on Ali’s balcony. 

“I’m good, Crys,” Christen insisted with a halfhearted laugh. 

“Just try it… It’ll make you feel so happy,” Crystal slurred. “You could use some happy, girl.” 

Christen sighed and wrapped her arm around Crystal’s shoulder. “I’m okay, I promise.” 

Of course, she wasn’t okay, and was completely lying, but somewhere deep inside she thought that if she lied enough to everyone else, she’d start actually believing it. 

“Whatever you say, Pressy… Oh!… Almost midnight! I gotta go find my man!” 

And it wasn’t like Christen wished she had someone to kiss at midnight. She hadn’t for years. But watching all her friends scramble to find their partners was so much harder to watch this time around. 

Maybe it was because for the first time in years, Christen truly felt lonely. 

She couldn’t help but long for the girl she’d left back in Lanesboro, whose kisses were soft, and sweet, and slow. And whose body was smooth, and tan, and fit- God, she was fit. Christen hadn’t quite expected the muscular arms, thighs, or abs. She hadn’t expected her childhood best friend, who’d always been a pretty scrawny kid, to be so damn fit. But, the more she thought about Tobin’s body- 

Well, she couldn’t really let herself think about Tobin. Not now. It was too much. It HURT too much. 

It was fifteen seconds till the New Year, and for the first time in Christen’s life, she had no idea what she was doing. Nothing felt right. New York felt foreign. Her colleagues felt like strangers. At this point, Christen felt like a stranger as well, like she barely knew herself at all. 

More than anything, she wished that she could freeze time and figure herself out. 

But, the clock still struck midnight. Her friends still shouted ‘Happy New Year!” Crystal still pressed a sloppy kiss to her cheek. 

Christen could only hope everything would go back to normal. 

***

January 2nd, 2020 

Everything was not going back to normal. Earlier that morning, Kelley had texted Christen a picture of their friends at the bar on New Year’s captioned ‘we miss you,’ causing Christen to have a mini meltdown at her desk. 

(Well, she called it mini. Others did not.) 

Her behavior had grown so out of character that even her bosses were worried. 

It was around lunch time that Rapinoe called Christen into her office. 

“Christen, I’m growing extremely concerned about your behavior as of late,” Megan started. Christen shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She wasn’t used to being called into her boss’s office for anything other than praise or new cases. 

“I’m sorry, I’m trying to be better, I really am-” 

Megan shook her head. 

“No. I’m worried about  _ you.  _ And most of the office is as well. The poor interns think you’re mad at them all the time, and Crystal and Ali are so worried. I need to know how I can help you so you’ll be in the best place to work.” Megan’s voice was sympathetic, so much so that Christen wanted to cry all over again. She’d never been so weepy in her life. 

“I’m sorry Pinoe… I’m a mess right now.”

Megan nodded. “You are, but we all have our moments. Can you talk to me about what’s going on?” 

Christen sighed and leaned back in her chair. She’d never been, but she imagined that this was what therapy is like. 

“I went back to my hometown,” Christen started, and Megan nodded, “to help my family. And I hadn’t been there years… I guess it just brought some things back, is all,’ Christen explained. Megan raised her eyebrows, as if she didn’t totally believe her. 

“Your grandma died, right?” Christen nodded. “Well, that’s bound to be emotional. I understand if you need to take a few days to figure that out, okay?” 

Christen shook her head. “No, I really think working is what’s best for me right now.” 

“Christen. What I’m telling you is to go home. Take a few days off, you’ve still got over a week of PTO, yeah? And we are more than capable of holding things down for a few days. Krieger and Morgan already agreed to take on your cases.” 

Christen leaned back in the chair and stared out the window past Megan. The offer was tempting. 

“I…” 

“Go home, Chris,” Megan insisted.

When Megan told Christen to ‘go home’, she probably expected Christen to go back to her apartment. Which, technically, she did. For about ten hours. 

Crystal offered to drive her home so she didn’t have to take the subway. 

“You’re being quiet, Chris.” 

Christen just nodded and continued staring out the window at the passing buildings. She was silent for another moment before turning in her seat to face Crystal. 

“I’m going back to Minnesota,” Christen stated. Her voice was quiet, so quiet Crystal barely heard her, but it was steady. 

“You’re what?” Crystal asked in disbelief. 

“I’m going back to Minnesota.” 

“Like for a visit? Missing your family?”

“No.” Christen shook her head and stared straight ahead of her. “I’m going, and I’m not coming back here.” 

“Honey, what? I mean I get that you’ve been in a bit of a funk and all but… What?” 

Crystal pulled into the parking lot of Christen’s apartment complex and turned off the car. 

“I know what you’re thinking. I’ll figure everything out soon. But I need to go back. I have to see her.” 

“Her?” Crystal asked, raising her eyebrows in suspicion. She hadn’t heard anything about any ‘her’ from Christen. 

It was then that Christen broke down again. Tears filled her eyes, and there was nothing she could do to stop them from falling. Through broken sobs, Christen explained what had happened when she went back home. 

How guilty she’d begun to feel for all the lost time. How torn she’d secretly been about selling her grandma’s house. And most importantly, Tobin. How she felt like she’d met Tobin all over again, how safe Tobin made her feel, how magical their time together had been. 

And how she’d left her all over again. 

By the end of her story Christen had run out of tears, and all that was left were watery hiccups. 

“You have to go back.” Crystal sounded sure of herself, like she was stating a fact. “I mean, you have to. You’re in love, aren’t you?” 

_ Love.  _

Christen hadn’t really thought of it like that. There was no way she was  _ in love  _ with Tobin. Sure, she knew she missed Tobin, and she knew she wanted to be near her. And she wanted to hear her laugh, and see her smile, and smell the warm scent of vanilla and cinnamon that had become so familiar and- 

“I think I am.” 

“But, Chris, you have a life here.” 

Christen leaned back in her seat. That was just what she’d told Tobin when she left. But the life she had in New York was starting to feel less and less like the life she wanted to live. 

Still, she knew she couldn't just leave. 

“I know. And I’ve been so torn, but… I just want to go back, Crys. I could. I mean, I have a house, my family, old friends. There’s even a small law firm there and...” 

“Chris… It sounds like you’ve really thought this out. I don’t see what’s holding you back.” 

“There’s no guarantee. It could all fall apart. I might not find work, she might not want me, there’re so many things that could-” 

“I swear to God, just go. It’ll work out. Your family won’t let you fail. And if your friends there are half the friend I am, they won’t let you fail either.”

Christen let out a sniffly laugh and wiped her eyes. “I think you’re right. Help me pack?” 

“Wait, you’re leaving now?” 

“Well… Yeah. I have to go back now. Or else I think I’ll lose the nerve and stay here forever. I need to be happy… So… Help me?” 

“Of course girl, you know me. Who am I to stand in the way of true love? Go find your happiness, Chris!” Crystal paused for a moment, as if she didn’t really want to say whatever she was thinking. “But wait, what about the firm? Who am I gonna have late night Chinese takeout with while I go over cases? God, I’m gonna miss you so much. And what your lease, Chris?” 

Christen sighed and folded her hands neatly in her lap. 

“Remember that law firm I mentioned? I emailed her last night and she’s offered me partner if I want it..” Christen revealed. She had been shocked Alyssa had been so eager to give her a job, even more shocked when she’d offered her the position of partner. “And… My lease is up in two months. Those two months will be when I come back and wrap things up. I mean, if things workout with Tobin.” 

“Damn, girl, partner? What are you still doing here? You know, I love you a lot. And I know everything’s gonna workout just fine, because you’re you, and you get shit done. I’m gonna miss you so, so much.” 

“I love you too, Crystal.” 

Crystal fist pumped enthusiastically. “YES! I got her to say she loves me! Oh, Baby Press is ready!” 

Christen smiled at her best friend. She knew saying goodbye to Crystal would be the worst part about leaving the City. But Crystal’s hopeful smile and encouraging words were making things a bit easier. 

Before they got out of the car, Crystal paused and shot Christen a devilish glance. 

“You know this Tobin girl is gonna have to pass the best friend test, right?” 

“Of course! And you better come visit me!” 

Crystal grinned and pulled her best friend into a tight hug. The gesture alone lifted so much weight off of Christen’s chest. 

***

January 3rd, 2020

Crystal spent the night and helped Christen pack up a weeks worth of her belongings. The rest of the night, they stayed up talking and reminiscing. Christen booked the earliest flight she could find, and at 5:30 in the morning, Crystal drove her to the airport. 

“I’ll see you soon, Christen. Everything’s gonna work out just fine.” 

Christen smiled and pulled her in for a hug. “I know. Thanks being… The best.” 

On the airplane, Christen finally got the courage to look at the sketchbook. She flipped all the way to the note on the very last page, the words that had been repeating in her head for days. 

_ Love always, Tobin.  _

She wondered how much Tobin actually meant that.  _ Love, always.  _ She wondered if Tobin really loved her, the way she used to in high school. Even more, she wondered if Tobin would be able to forgive her. 

After all, she hadn't exactly left things on good terms. She knew there wasn't any good reason for Tobin to take her back, or forgive her, but God, she was still hopeful. 

When her plane landed, Christen was hit with a wave of anxiety. Her stomach turned and her legs felt shaky. Despite her feelings, she ordered an Uber, setting the end destination to the Heath’s bakery. 

The drive was just under forty-five minutes, but it felt like hours. When her driver pulled up in front of the bakery and came to a stop, Christen nearly chickened out. The bakery looked as warm and inviting as she’d remembered. She couldn’t see Tobin inside, but the neon ‘open’ sign in the window was lit, so she assumed Tobin was in the back room. Christen left her driver with a half smile, and exited the car onto the icy sidewalks she’d missed so much. 

She opened the door and couldn’t help but smile at the familiar ‘ding’ and slightly rushed ‘I’ll be right there!’ that followed. 

A few  _ long  _ seconds later, Tobin stepped into the main room. She looked frazzled, her hair falling out of it’s ponytail, her sleeves rolled up haphazardly, and that signature dusting of flour all over her apron and jeans. 

Tobin didn’t say anything, just stood in the doorway staring at Christen, a look of shock plastered across her face. Christen took a cautious step towards her. 

“Know anyone who needs a good lawyer?”

And Tobin had no idea what to say. So many emotions ran through her that she couldn’t even process them all. The words “why are you here?” died on her tongue as the hurt that Christen had left her with AGAIN settled in. She wasn’t going to make this easy for her, not after Christen had broken her heart twice now. 

“No. And if I did, I know Alyssa’s number.”

Christen smiled, albeit a sad smile, and took another step towards her. “Okay. I deserved that. I was hoping, though, to build up some clientele here.”

“Weird to build up clientele somewhere you never visit.”

“I’m visiting now.”

“Fucking with me twice wasn’t enough? Thought you’d give it a third go around?” Tobin knew she sounded cold, mean even, but she was just so  _ mad.  _ Since Christen had left, she was all Tobin could think about. 

“Tobin-“

“Nevermind. I’ve got to check on some croissants in the back.” 

With that, Tobin turned and returned back through the door to the back room. Christen followed her timidly and watched her pull a tray of croissants out of the oven before getting up the nerve to talk again. 

“I need clients because otherwise I’ll be doing a lot of twiddling my thumbs in my new office.”

“New office?”

“Yeah. At a smaller practice. Really small actually. Small enough I’m gonna be a partner right off the bat.”

“Oh?”

“You might know it, actually. Naeher and Associates? Well, Naeher, Press, and Associates now.” 

Tobin set the tray of croissants on top of the stove but didn’t turn around so that Christen could read her expression. 

“You know there aren’t actually any associates.”

“Linda takes excellent notes and makes a lovely cup of green tea, I’ve heard.” 

Tobin turned around finally. “What do you want here, Chris? What do you expect from me?” The look of pain on her face was obvious, even worse, it was a look Christen was getting used to seeing. 

“I don’t expect anything. I’m just...I want you. I know I don’t necessarily deserve you, but I want you to know I’m here. Really here. I’ve done so much soul searching these past few days and every single time it led me back here, it led me back to you, and the truth is...Christmas Eve wasn’t a fluke or a one time thing. When I said I was falling for you I meant it. And I haven’t fallen for someone, really fallen in...well, ever. So it’s kind of a big deal for me. And when you asked me to stay, when you suggested I could have a life here...it scared me. I’ve been running from here so long I never stopped to imagine that you were right, so I went back to what was safe and what I thought I had to do but it didn’t feel right once I was there and-“ Christen stopped herself from rambling and took a deep breath. “I don’t even know if I’m making sense anymore. I guess I just came by to say I’m here. I want a life here. I really want that life to be with you, but I’m willing to wait. I’m willing to prove to you that I’m here to stay and I’m trying- I’m trying to be emotionally vulnerable even though I’m out of practice and it’s a little terrifying, but you’re worth it.”

Christen hadn’t realized she was crying until Tobin was gently wiping the tears from underneath her eyes. 

“You’re worth everything,” Christen added in a soft voice. They were standing so close that Christen could have leaned forward and kissed her, but she didn’t want to cross any boundaries. Tobin deserved to be the one to choose what happened next. 

“You’re here?” 

Christen nodded. “I am. I’m here, and if you’ll forgive me, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Tobin bit her lip as if she was thinking. “Chris, I’ve had to put myself back together twice now because of you. I don’t know if I can do it again.” 

“I know. And I’m so, so sorry. I know I can’t change what’s happened in the past, but I’ll do whatever I can to be different this time.”

“This time?” 

“Yeah. I mean, if you want.”

Tobin laughed softly. “Of course I want. I’m just scared.” 

“I understand. I just want you to know I’m here. And I’m not leaving again. This is my home. YOU are my home, and I should have known all along.” 

Christen was longing to reach out and touch. She missed the level of intimacy they’d had at Christmas, the soft touches and kisses. She wanted nothing more than for Tobin to wrap her up in a tight hug, and tell her everything would be okay. 

“You quit your job?” Tobin asked. She sounded confused, like she was still trying to process everything. 

“Yeah. Well, technically not yet. I sorted things out with Alyssa like… Two days ago, and then yesterday I just decided to get on a plane. But I’m gonna go back, and put in my notice, settle up my cases… And then I’ll come back here. To my grandma’s house.” Christen’s brow furrowed before she added, “My house, I guess.”

Tobin nodded, things were starting to make a bit more sense. “And… Me?” 

“If you’ll have me. There’s nothing I want here more than you,” Christen said, and her voice cracked with emotion. 

Finally,  _ finally,  _ Tobin reached out and pulled Christen into her arms. She was warm, and smelled like love, and felt like home. 

And then she kissed her, and it was everything Christen needed. There was a sense of urgency behind the kiss, like Tobin was afraid to let go. Her lips were as soft as Christen remembered, and kissing her just felt so  _ right.  _

“So is that a yes?” Christen asked against her lips. 

Tobin broke apart just enough to rest her forehead to Christen’s. “You’ve always been it for me, Chris. Since day one.”

Christen broke out into a grin so wide her cheeks hurt, and then Tobin was kissing her again and all ideas of pain melted away. 

Tobin pulled back again and said, “You have a LOT of making it up to me to do.” 

Christen grinned and leaned back in for a kiss that was a little needy and a lot dirty. She kissed her way to Tobin’s ear and murmured, “Can I start right now?” 

She felt Tobin shudder against her, and smiled into the crook of her neck. 

“Let me just turn off the oven,” Tobin replied.

Christen stepped back and Tobin quickly fumbled with the knobs on the oven. When she turned back to face her, it was with a smile more radiant than the sun, eyes shy and expectant. 

“Might wanna turn off the open sign, too,” Christen suggested with a smirk. 

“Why? You think this will last long?” Tobin teased. 

Christen chuckled. “If I play my cards right, I’m kinda hoping forever.”

It was a lot. Maybe it was too much. But Christen didn’t mind letting it slip. She was done running. She was done letting fear and work control her. Now it was time to throw herself into love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and thoughts much appreciated:) love you all! 
> 
> remember, if you wanna visit me on tumblr, @sonny-flowerr

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! 
> 
> as I always say, come find me on tumblr and let me know what you thought! (@sonny-flowerr)


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